[ She waits, for him to recover, but not for long. She'll appear sooner rather than later. Her expression is neutral, neither angry nor particularly concerned. ]
[ He'd been unconscious for less than half an hour, but he's still in the life support area where he'd tried to heal Zhukov when she comes to find him. It's clear that his symbiote ability has grown stronger - he is exhausted and some of his skin still burned, but miles away from where he'd been a few hours ago.
Sam's not surprised to see her, and he swings his legs over the side of the bed he'd borrowed for the moment. ]
You were right about Zhukov. I was worried about the physical effects of trying to heal him; I should have been thinking more about what was in his head.
[ He hadn't thought it would be worse than what'd been lurking in Shepard's mind, what's now locked away in his own. He's not sure he was wrong, but with Shepard, he'd been prepared. ]
[ She contemplates him in silence for a moment. This particular tact has worked with her before. A solid apology can work wonders on her, especially if your apology hits upon precisely what you did wrong. Sam's does not, and so after allowing him to speak, she moves on with what she has to say: ]
I’ve come to tell you your recklessness has grown out of hand.
[ Her tone remains entirely neutral. ]
While the most startling, this is not the first time. You leave a trail of it throughout the Station. Drawing other hosts in to you... and leaving behind a mess of tangles.
[ She smooths out a wrinkle in her dress. ]
You have charisma and trust, with the others. You should take this responsibility more seriously, before something truly irreversible occurs.
[ He tilts his head a little at the first part, acknowledging. He'd done his best to take precautions with Zhukov, but it hadn't been enough. If it was just himself, it'd be different, but it'd affected others.
The rest of that - it hits him hard, when she tells him that he leaves people a tangled mess behind him. As though he pulled them in and chewed them up and spit them out, and that's always been the exact opposite of everything he's tried to do.
The worst is that he doesn’t quite get what she means by a trail - that thing with Ren? The shit with Aoba? - but he isn't willing to ask. If he does he knows he'll feel like he has to defend himself, and he's got the feeling that won't go over well. ]
You here to tell me exactly how I'm supposed to do better?
[ Ah, he doesn't like it... Well, that's to be expected really, otherwise they wouldn't be having this conversation at all. ]
My desire is to point out to you that you hold a great deal of sway with the other hosts. That even beyond the symbiote, your actions and their consequences are never yours alone.
[ This might be the slightest hypocritical. Ilde is quite reserved with her actions and their consequences, but then she is a different sort to him, to most. ]
It may be time to consider yourself less a friend and more a leader, for the good of the group. But... the choice is yours.
[ She can't make him take his influence with the others more seriously, she can only suggest it. ]
Though, if you continue to involve my brood my opinion may become less fair-handed.
[ Ren is always a category unto himself, but... who had come running to save Sam Wilson from his choices but Steve Rogers. ]
[ Though Sam may not always agree with her opinions on the Nest, he's come to like hearing them. She watches the other members, observes their interactions and sees the interworkings of the Nest - draws different conclusions than he might, maybe, but it's still valuable. What she says... it's not as though Sam hasn't taken a leadership role before, both in the military and at the VA.
It's even something he's considered here, the idea of running a support group - if not for the issues all of them have got from the past, then maybe to get them communicating better, or try get all of them to be able to get some damn sleep so Sam isn't fighting not to fix their exhaustion every time he touches one of them.
But that isn't quite what she's talking about. ]
There's others more suited to that than me. [ Steve, if he could get past comparing himself to the man who wields the shield in other worlds enough to realize there’s nothing to compare to and he is more than enough as he is; Lexa, if she could get past speaking to everyone as though they all agreed she was right. ] I think you overestimate the sway I have with the Nest in general.
[ He doesn't even really like using the word sway, but it's not inaccurate, and now isn't the time to argue semantics. With his friends, those he trusts, maybe, but they're only a handful.
Of course, one of them is her broodmate. There is no question of the fact that Sam holds no sway over Ren, but Steve - for Steve, Sam would do anything, and Sam believes in him more than enough to know that Steve would be there if Sam needed it. ]
What if I do make the move to become a leader, and lead in a way you don't like?
[ She looks at him, thinking that question is strange and rather useless. ]
The way you might lead has little to do with me, aside from what you might involve my broodmates in. But they, of course, have their own minds and are free to make their own choices, despite my protests or censure.
[ This is true. Mostly. She certainly lets Ren move freely... She is a bit more possessive with Steve, not yet certain he has what it takes to survive, and in a way she longs to shield him from all this. From Bucky. From Sam. She has done little to act upon this, tries to show respect, but as the size of their brood shrinks, the pressure inside of her to protect him grows darker.]
As for myself... I would not be in your purview.
[ He would never lead her. She is not asking him for her sake. She is asking him to take the reigns on a group of emotionally volatile men and women, and rather than indulging their weaknesses, embolden them to be a stronger, more focused group. United in trust and respect for him. Perhaps the Prince would be a better choice, but he has already refused the honor. ]
It has everything to do with you, when you're the one suggesting it.
[ He doesn't believe she's doing this purely for the sake of the Nest. Or rather - he does, but only because keeping the Nest safe, keeping them together and working well as a team is in her own best interests. He's pretty sure she does want what's best for the Nest; he's just equally sure that the two of them don't agree on what that is. That he sees them as individual people first, members of the same unit second, and she views them all as extensions of the Nest, how they will operate in it and what use they'll be to it. To her.
Sam honestly can't blame her, with just the glimpse he'd gotten of where she came from. And he likes her, respects her and her opinion, but he doesn't quite have a handle on her. He suspects there's many sides to her that he hasn't seen, that he'll never really understand her motivations. ]
They already like you and respect you, that's the use.
[ She doesn't know the turn of phrase 'path of least resistance' but it's the one she would use if she did. He is the easiest fit, despite his claims that others might be better. ]
Some structure and communication, is the use.
[ She doesn't ask him why he's so suspicious of her. She doesn't want to hear the answer, nor does she want him to focus on it long enough to figure out how to articulate it. ]
[ It's because she reminds him of Cathaway, because he sees her on that path and doesn't know how far down she's gone. There are other reasons, of course, but she's right in that he hasn't quite figured out how to articulate it.
He's still not sure he agrees with the first, but the second - it is sorely needed, and he's spoken to more than one person about that. Denying that now is stupid, and saying he doesn't want to because she's the one who suggested it is childish.
Sam is neither, and he knows that attempting to get her to be more honest about her motivations is not likely to produce a result. ]
No, I can't. And I'm always gonna do the best for them that I can.
[ The reluctance to agree is a reaction from him she is becoming familiar with. That she speaks sense to him, but from a point of view he does not wish to condone. Just like Steven, how unsurprising. She smooths a wrinkle out of her dress. ]
I'm sure that's all anyone could ask.
[ Phrased like she has no request at all, as though she really just wanted to bring the concept to his attention, with no expectation of result. The nonchalance is studied, but sits naturally within her bearing. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
no subject
Hello, Sam.
no subject
Sam's not surprised to see her, and he swings his legs over the side of the bed he'd borrowed for the moment. ]
You were right about Zhukov. I was worried about the physical effects of trying to heal him; I should have been thinking more about what was in his head.
[ He hadn't thought it would be worse than what'd been lurking in Shepard's mind, what's now locked away in his own. He's not sure he was wrong, but with Shepard, he'd been prepared. ]
no subject
I’ve come to tell you your recklessness has grown out of hand.
[ Her tone remains entirely neutral. ]
While the most startling, this is not the first time. You leave a trail of it throughout the Station. Drawing other hosts in to you... and leaving behind a mess of tangles.
[ She smooths out a wrinkle in her dress. ]
You have charisma and trust, with the others. You should take this responsibility more seriously, before something truly irreversible occurs.
no subject
The rest of that - it hits him hard, when she tells him that he leaves people a tangled mess behind him. As though he pulled them in and chewed them up and spit them out, and that's always been the exact opposite of everything he's tried to do.
The worst is that he doesn’t quite get what she means by a trail - that thing with Ren? The shit with Aoba? - but he isn't willing to ask. If he does he knows he'll feel like he has to defend himself, and he's got the feeling that won't go over well. ]
You here to tell me exactly how I'm supposed to do better?
no subject
My desire is to point out to you that you hold a great deal of sway with the other hosts. That even beyond the symbiote, your actions and their consequences are never yours alone.
[ This might be the slightest hypocritical. Ilde is quite reserved with her actions and their consequences, but then she is a different sort to him, to most. ]
It may be time to consider yourself less a friend and more a leader, for the good of the group. But... the choice is yours.
[ She can't make him take his influence with the others more seriously, she can only suggest it. ]
Though, if you continue to involve my brood my opinion may become less fair-handed.
[ Ren is always a category unto himself, but... who had come running to save Sam Wilson from his choices but Steve Rogers. ]
no subject
It's even something he's considered here, the idea of running a support group - if not for the issues all of them have got from the past, then maybe to get them communicating better, or try get all of them to be able to get some damn sleep so Sam isn't fighting not to fix their exhaustion every time he touches one of them.
But that isn't quite what she's talking about. ]
There's others more suited to that than me. [ Steve, if he could get past comparing himself to the man who wields the shield in other worlds enough to realize there’s nothing to compare to and he is more than enough as he is; Lexa, if she could get past speaking to everyone as though they all agreed she was right. ] I think you overestimate the sway I have with the Nest in general.
[ He doesn't even really like using the word sway, but it's not inaccurate, and now isn't the time to argue semantics. With his friends, those he trusts, maybe, but they're only a handful.
Of course, one of them is her broodmate. There is no question of the fact that Sam holds no sway over Ren, but Steve - for Steve, Sam would do anything, and Sam believes in him more than enough to know that Steve would be there if Sam needed it. ]
What if I do make the move to become a leader, and lead in a way you don't like?
no subject
The way you might lead has little to do with me, aside from what you might involve my broodmates in. But they, of course, have their own minds and are free to make their own choices, despite my protests or censure.
[ This is true. Mostly. She certainly lets Ren move freely... She is a bit more possessive with Steve, not yet certain he has what it takes to survive, and in a way she longs to shield him from all this. From Bucky. From Sam. She has done little to act upon this, tries to show respect, but as the size of their brood shrinks, the pressure inside of her to protect him grows darker.]
As for myself... I would not be in your purview.
[ He would never lead her. She is not asking him for her sake. She is asking him to take the reigns on a group of emotionally volatile men and women, and rather than indulging their weaknesses, embolden them to be a stronger, more focused group. United in trust and respect for him. Perhaps the Prince would be a better choice, but he has already refused the honor. ]
no subject
[ He doesn't believe she's doing this purely for the sake of the Nest. Or rather - he does, but only because keeping the Nest safe, keeping them together and working well as a team is in her own best interests. He's pretty sure she does want what's best for the Nest; he's just equally sure that the two of them don't agree on what that is. That he sees them as individual people first, members of the same unit second, and she views them all as extensions of the Nest, how they will operate in it and what use they'll be to it. To her.
Sam honestly can't blame her, with just the glimpse he'd gotten of where she came from. And he likes her, respects her and her opinion, but he doesn't quite have a handle on her. He suspects there's many sides to her that he hasn't seen, that he'll never really understand her motivations. ]
Why me, Ilde? What use am I to you?
no subject
[ She doesn't know the turn of phrase 'path of least resistance' but it's the one she would use if she did. He is the easiest fit, despite his claims that others might be better. ]
Some structure and communication, is the use.
[ She doesn't ask him why he's so suspicious of her. She doesn't want to hear the answer, nor does she want him to focus on it long enough to figure out how to articulate it. ]
You cannot tell me it isn't sorely needed.
no subject
He's still not sure he agrees with the first, but the second - it is sorely needed, and he's spoken to more than one person about that. Denying that now is stupid, and saying he doesn't want to because she's the one who suggested it is childish.
Sam is neither, and he knows that attempting to get her to be more honest about her motivations is not likely to produce a result. ]
No, I can't. And I'm always gonna do the best for them that I can.
no subject
I'm sure that's all anyone could ask.
[ Phrased like she has no request at all, as though she really just wanted to bring the concept to his attention, with no expectation of result. The nonchalance is studied, but sits naturally within her bearing. ]