Sam Wilson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
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[ The anxiety spikes through him, trembling, delicate like the scream of a child. Clint had been on the edge of slumber, his turn now, Sam trusted to watch his back in their quick formed shifts.
But this -- this is Prague all over again, somehow. The need to get out, the need to fight free, to run and run and run until there was nothing left. Clint's mental walls strain, gossamer thin to snapping, before collapsing in on itself. He tenses, hands twitching for bow even as he blinks awake, mind sparking -- a wordless cry for help lapping at the shore of Sam's mind.
He's caught, blueblueblue, pushing up from where he'd curled. Heart in his throat, trying to pull himself together. It's alright, hold it together Barton. ]
But this -- this is Prague all over again, somehow. The need to get out, the need to fight free, to run and run and run until there was nothing left. Clint's mental walls strain, gossamer thin to snapping, before collapsing in on itself. He tenses, hands twitching for bow even as he blinks awake, mind sparking -- a wordless cry for help lapping at the shore of Sam's mind.
He's caught, blueblueblue, pushing up from where he'd curled. Heart in his throat, trying to pull himself together. It's alright, hold it together Barton. ]
[ Things had been quiet, the faint hum of the other Hosts at the back of his mind getting easier to ignore - or maybe he's just getting more used to it, but he doesn't want to go there - the soft rise and fall of Clint's chest giving him something to focus on.
And then it all goes to shit, and there's a rush of anxiety - Sam almost wonders if Barnes had come to the room, because that's the last time he remembers something like this - but no, it's different, it's too hard to think clearly, and Sam catches himself breathing shallow and rapid even before Clint screams soundlessly, reaching out for him.
For a moment, when Sam opens his mind up - because of course he does, without even thinking about it, when he senses Clint there seeking help it's the only response he's got - he gets caught up in the spark and crackle of blue, of run control pull yourself together hold it together I can't until it bleeds into his own sense of I can't ears ringing fire and char, burned metal and suffocating silence, Riley Steve Rhodes -
He reaches out almost blindly, hand making contact with the first thing he can reach. It turns out to be Clint's calf, and he keeps his touch gentle even as he uses it to ground himself. The feel of fabric under his fingertips, the warmth of skin even through it, the way the weave catches as he slides his hand down and back up, gently stroking. This is real, what's in his head isn't.
All right, okay, this isn't like a flashback or a panic attack, not really, but if he just keeps focusing on getting himself grounded, on breathing slow and deep, then maybe they can get each other through this.
And Clint can feel all of that, everything, Sam knows - but he speaks out loud anyway, to give them both something to focus on other than what's going on in their minds. ]
I got you, Clint, all right, you got me, too?
And then it all goes to shit, and there's a rush of anxiety - Sam almost wonders if Barnes had come to the room, because that's the last time he remembers something like this - but no, it's different, it's too hard to think clearly, and Sam catches himself breathing shallow and rapid even before Clint screams soundlessly, reaching out for him.
For a moment, when Sam opens his mind up - because of course he does, without even thinking about it, when he senses Clint there seeking help it's the only response he's got - he gets caught up in the spark and crackle of blue, of run control pull yourself together hold it together I can't until it bleeds into his own sense of I can't ears ringing fire and char, burned metal and suffocating silence, Riley Steve Rhodes -
He reaches out almost blindly, hand making contact with the first thing he can reach. It turns out to be Clint's calf, and he keeps his touch gentle even as he uses it to ground himself. The feel of fabric under his fingertips, the warmth of skin even through it, the way the weave catches as he slides his hand down and back up, gently stroking. This is real, what's in his head isn't.
All right, okay, this isn't like a flashback or a panic attack, not really, but if he just keeps focusing on getting himself grounded, on breathing slow and deep, then maybe they can get each other through this.
And Clint can feel all of that, everything, Sam knows - but he speaks out loud anyway, to give them both something to focus on other than what's going on in their minds. ]
I got you, Clint, all right, you got me, too?
Edited 2016-06-07 05:29 (UTC)
i keep forgetting inboxes don't go into my labels s i g h
cognitived
- 2016-10-06 01:39 (UTC) - Expand[ A hand reaches out through the nest, giving a knock against a non-existent door.
You got a second? it asks, without putting the thought to more solid words yet. Courtesy. ]
You got a second? it asks, without putting the thought to more solid words yet. Courtesy. ]
[ Despite everything, there’s still a part of Sam that perks up immediately when Steve comes knocking. It's habit, one he's not even sure he wants to break. But at least he's had enough distance, enough time, to figure out how to keep it in check.
So it's not exactly that it's Steve that he metaphorically opens the door, just that it's another Host, one he'd like to know better. And Sam almost even believes that when he tells himself it. ]
( Yeah, man, any time. What's up? )
So it's not exactly that it's Steve that he metaphorically opens the door, just that it's another Host, one he'd like to know better. And Sam almost even believes that when he tells himself it. ]
( Yeah, man, any time. What's up? )
[All he'd wanted to do was put hot water in the stupid cup and have the closest thing to cup noodles he could find. For comfort sake. That's all. He didn't count on his arm setting off the appliance. Or the fire.]
[He also really didn't count on broadcasting the whole incident.]
[This is a stream of alien curses. He doesn't mean for it to happen. He's just not... well. In control of this whole mess just yet. But this is what happens when you go from a live-in school setting, to space prison, to the Castle, where most food is just plain green space goo.]
[This is what happens -- you don't do so well with cooking. Even microwave noodles in a cup.]
[So Sam is treated to the cursing, to images of fire and a microwave in the shared kitchen -- or the approximation thereof -- and a wave of startled panic because shit shit shit where's the suppression kit? This is the opposite of what he wanted... Mixed with jumbled memories of ramen cooking in a coffee pot and blackened, burned coffee and why does this keep happening?]
[He also really didn't count on broadcasting the whole incident.]
[This is a stream of alien curses. He doesn't mean for it to happen. He's just not... well. In control of this whole mess just yet. But this is what happens when you go from a live-in school setting, to space prison, to the Castle, where most food is just plain green space goo.]
[This is what happens -- you don't do so well with cooking. Even microwave noodles in a cup.]
[So Sam is treated to the cursing, to images of fire and a microwave in the shared kitchen -- or the approximation thereof -- and a wave of startled panic because shit shit shit where's the suppression kit? This is the opposite of what he wanted... Mixed with jumbled memories of ramen cooking in a coffee pot and blackened, burned coffee and why does this keep happening?]
[ Sam'd been half asleep when the press of another mind against his jolts him awake, leaving the feeling of something close to an accidental distress call. He blinks for a moment, sorting through that, and then lets out a low chuckle.
He’d send a reply back, but he remembers how Shiro had reacted the last time he unintentionally broadcasted something. So instead he rolls out of bed, murmuring, 'be right back, gotta make sure one of your broodmates isn't gonna burn the kitchen down,' at Clint’s questioning look.
Sam's in purple pajama bottoms and a black tank top with a red bird on it as he pads out into the kitchen, feet bare. He leans against the doorway, one eyebrow raised. ]
You, uh. Need a little help?
He’d send a reply back, but he remembers how Shiro had reacted the last time he unintentionally broadcasted something. So instead he rolls out of bed, murmuring, 'be right back, gotta make sure one of your broodmates isn't gonna burn the kitchen down,' at Clint’s questioning look.
Sam's in purple pajama bottoms and a black tank top with a red bird on it as he pads out into the kitchen, feet bare. He leans against the doorway, one eyebrow raised. ]
You, uh. Need a little help?
( Thanks, but I've got this. )
[ Linking with Bellamy's mind right now is a bit much; everything's there on the surface, with no breaks or walls to conceal or mitigate the flow of his thoughts. ]
( Save it. Someone else'll need it more than me. )
[ Still not totally convinced something isn't going to blow up, but Bellamy's got plenty drawing his attention rn. ]
[ Linking with Bellamy's mind right now is a bit much; everything's there on the surface, with no breaks or walls to conceal or mitigate the flow of his thoughts. ]
( Save it. Someone else'll need it more than me. )
[ Still not totally convinced something isn't going to blow up, but Bellamy's got plenty drawing his attention rn. ]
( Careful, now, or I'm gonna start developing a complex about you not letting me heal you. )
[ But fair enough, and Sam's mostly just teasing because he can. He's still got most of his attention on Sam Anders and the robot - and blocking it all out of his head. He doesn't have enough concentration to try to insist, even if he felt like it. ]
( Yeah, all right, your call. Just take good care of yourself, man. )
[ Not that it won't stop Sam from checking in with him later, most likely. ]
[ But fair enough, and Sam's mostly just teasing because he can. He's still got most of his attention on Sam Anders and the robot - and blocking it all out of his head. He doesn't have enough concentration to try to insist, even if he felt like it. ]
( Yeah, all right, your call. Just take good care of yourself, man. )
[ Not that it won't stop Sam from checking in with him later, most likely. ]
[It takes Bucky a while to actually reach out through the brood link to Sam, not that he thinks he's been sneaky enough to hide. He rolls in like the fog but pauses at the edges of Sam's head, like a soldier waiting for orders.]
( Did it happen again? )
[The killing, the return to the Soldier, he means.]
( Did it happen again? )
[The killing, the return to the Soldier, he means.]
[ Sam can't stop the short rush of something like relief when he feels Barnes contacting him - but he tamps it down pretty quickly, because he doesn't want to unpack what the hell that feeling is right about now. ]
( Only once that I know of. But I've been trying not to keep too close tabs on you, figured you might not appreciate it that much. )
[ Not that he can stop it completely, with their brood link, but he hasn't been purposefully trying to use it at least. Still, he opens his mind up, a silent invitation for Barnes to come in as much as he wants. Sam's gotten a hell of a lot better about making himself available without forcing anything. ]
( Only once that I know of. But I've been trying not to keep too close tabs on you, figured you might not appreciate it that much. )
[ Not that he can stop it completely, with their brood link, but he hasn't been purposefully trying to use it at least. Still, he opens his mind up, a silent invitation for Barnes to come in as much as he wants. Sam's gotten a hell of a lot better about making himself available without forcing anything. ]
[ He said he would come to Sam the next time he got a headache. After using his abilities the previous night, it's certainly next time.
Aoba has been trying to connect with Sam since waking up with a migraine, but the pain and heavy fog hanging over his head is making his mental reach clumsy. This has to be the right Sam, though. He's already spread his headache to the other two, so he has to be right this time. Third Sam's a charm. ]
Sam...?
[ His mental voice is faint. Though he's trying to contain it, some of Aoba's pain leaks over the connection. A sense of guilt follows it. He hasn't even formally asked for help yet and he's so, so sorry. ]
Aoba has been trying to connect with Sam since waking up with a migraine, but the pain and heavy fog hanging over his head is making his mental reach clumsy. This has to be the right Sam, though. He's already spread his headache to the other two, so he has to be right this time. Third Sam's a charm. ]
Sam...?
[ His mental voice is faint. Though he's trying to contain it, some of Aoba's pain leaks over the connection. A sense of guilt follows it. He hasn't even formally asked for help yet and he's so, so sorry. ]
[ He'd already been up, getting a pot of coffee on, but he pauses in the middle of it with a pained hiss at the headache leaking over the connection. Sam strengthens his shields, both out of self preservation and to try to keep too much from leaking over his side of the connection and making Aoba's pain worse.
He's not sure there's a way to lower the volume of his mental voice, but he tries it anyway, mental touch gentle. ]
( Where are you? I'll come to you. )
He's not sure there's a way to lower the volume of his mental voice, but he tries it anyway, mental touch gentle. ]
( Where are you? I'll come to you. )
[And sometime after this...]
[It probably just should be one of those things he leaves alone, forgets about. Something he buries for good. Because clearly, it isn't doing anyone any real favors, bouncing around in his head. The party and the aftermath isn't a great time for it. So...]
[When they're back at the bearings, there's a brief "knock" on mental walls.]
(Hey. Can we talk?)
[It probably just should be one of those things he leaves alone, forgets about. Something he buries for good. Because clearly, it isn't doing anyone any real favors, bouncing around in his head. The party and the aftermath isn't a great time for it. So...]
[When they're back at the bearings, there's a brief "knock" on mental walls.]
(Hey. Can we talk?)
[ Sam'd been drinking pretty much constantly at the party, a steady stream of alcohol that probably would have killed him if he hadn't been using his symbiote ability to bleed its effects over to those they'd been trying to get information from. Still, that's a side to his ability that he hasn't practiced as much, and by the time the party's done and he's back at the bearings, he's just a little bit inebriated himself.
But he still opens up a little more when he feels Shiro knocking on their connection, no hesitation. ]
( Yeah, man, of course. What's up? )
But he still opens up a little more when he feels Shiro knocking on their connection, no hesitation. ]
( Yeah, man, of course. What's up? )
[ Bucky is always welcome to crash okay.
Sam’d been gearing up for the Loke interrogation, going over the haphazard plan they'd manage to come up with in the short amount of time they have, but he pulls his focus away as soon as he feels Bucky trying to contact him, and the drops it entirely once he hears what it's about.
And promptly tries to contact Bellamy, but nothing. It's not like when Clint was out or Rey still unconscious in his room - and maybe he keeps too close of an eye on Gacrux, but that's beside the point - and he reaches immediately out to Clint, to get him to test the link. ]
( Shit. It’s - it’s not like Giorno or Rey, he's still around, just distant. It feels like the couple of times I've gone too far from the Bearings, like a radio out of range. I haven't seen him since the party, you know if anyone's seen him around after then? )
Sam’d been gearing up for the Loke interrogation, going over the haphazard plan they'd manage to come up with in the short amount of time they have, but he pulls his focus away as soon as he feels Bucky trying to contact him, and the drops it entirely once he hears what it's about.
And promptly tries to contact Bellamy, but nothing. It's not like when Clint was out or Rey still unconscious in his room - and maybe he keeps too close of an eye on Gacrux, but that's beside the point - and he reaches immediately out to Clint, to get him to test the link. ]
( Shit. It’s - it’s not like Giorno or Rey, he's still around, just distant. It feels like the couple of times I've gone too far from the Bearings, like a radio out of range. I haven't seen him since the party, you know if anyone's seen him around after then? )
[ Sometime after this...
A brush along the line, then: ]
( Can we talk? )
[ There's a distance to his mental tone, locked up tighter than normal. ]
A brush along the line, then: ]
( Can we talk? )
[ There's a distance to his mental tone, locked up tighter than normal. ]
[ Yeah, that distance isn't worrying at all. But Sam follows in kind, keeping his confusion and concern buried as he reaches back out. ]
( Always, man, what's up? You want me to meet you somewhere? )
( Always, man, what's up? You want me to meet you somewhere? )
[ This is all shades of pathetic, she knows. This is knocking on Shinji's door late at night to assure herself that she isn't sleeping in an empty house. This is picking petty fights with Asuka just to talk to another human being. This is beckoning for Pen Pen to come for a cuddle. It's tried and true.
This isn't as much a knock as a gentle push against a mental door held ajar, not stepping in further without expressed invitation. ]
( Let's not do that again, but . . . )
This isn't as much a knock as a gentle push against a mental door held ajar, not stepping in further without expressed invitation. ]
( Let's not do that again, but . . . )
[ It might be pathetic, but there's a clear welcome when he feels her on the outside of his mind. He's more than glad to hear from her. Sam lowers his shields a little, focusing his attention on their connection as the sensation of a smile drifts across the mental link. ]
( You don't gotta give me alcohol for me to want to hang with you. I gotta thank you, though. I needed that. )
( You don't gotta give me alcohol for me to want to hang with you. I gotta thank you, though. I needed that. )
[He'd found his own little place to sleep after their talks. Because he'd figured some kind of distance was more appropriate. And, besides, he wanted somewhere to claim as his own without really imposing on Sam.]
[Then he'd tacked up a towel over the doorway for some vague kind of privacy.]
[However, none of this is going to stop the fact that, one "night", little flickers of glowing purple light appear in the connection between them. Distress. And so much purple.]
[He hasn't had a nightmare in a while. Seems he was past due.]
[Then he'd tacked up a towel over the doorway for some vague kind of privacy.]
[However, none of this is going to stop the fact that, one "night", little flickers of glowing purple light appear in the connection between them. Distress. And so much purple.]
[He hasn't had a nightmare in a while. Seems he was past due.]
[ Distant doesn't have to be appropriate. Sam is more than okay with a lack of distance.
But Shiro having his own space is important, and just because part of Sam is tempted to just be around him all of the time, he knows that's not a good idea. This is new for both of them; they should take things slow. And it's not as though Sam isn't already settled where he is. It's strange to almost miss the room he and Clint'd had back in Concordia, but at least the ship they've claimed is better than anything on offer currently in the life support area.
It's Sam's turn to be on watch when he feels the first faint tinges of distress. He's... mostly awake, the half-doze that he learned back in the military when you had to be ready, just in case. Just in case, this time, turns out to be a distress call from Shiro, and it sets Sam on alert immediately. ]
( Shiro? )
But Shiro having his own space is important, and just because part of Sam is tempted to just be around him all of the time, he knows that's not a good idea. This is new for both of them; they should take things slow. And it's not as though Sam isn't already settled where he is. It's strange to almost miss the room he and Clint'd had back in Concordia, but at least the ship they've claimed is better than anything on offer currently in the life support area.
It's Sam's turn to be on watch when he feels the first faint tinges of distress. He's... mostly awake, the half-doze that he learned back in the military when you had to be ready, just in case. Just in case, this time, turns out to be a distress call from Shiro, and it sets Sam on alert immediately. ]
( Shiro? )
[ He'd been unconscious for less than half an hour, but he's still in the life support area where he'd tried to heal Zhukov when she comes to find him. It's clear that his symbiote ability has grown stronger - he is exhausted and some of his skin still burned, but miles away from where he'd been a few hours ago.
Sam's not surprised to see her, and he swings his legs over the side of the bed he'd borrowed for the moment. ]
You were right about Zhukov. I was worried about the physical effects of trying to heal him; I should have been thinking more about what was in his head.
[ He hadn't thought it would be worse than what'd been lurking in Shepard's mind, what's now locked away in his own. He's not sure he was wrong, but with Shepard, he'd been prepared. ]
Sam's not surprised to see her, and he swings his legs over the side of the bed he'd borrowed for the moment. ]
You were right about Zhukov. I was worried about the physical effects of trying to heal him; I should have been thinking more about what was in his head.
[ He hadn't thought it would be worse than what'd been lurking in Shepard's mind, what's now locked away in his own. He's not sure he was wrong, but with Shepard, he'd been prepared. ]
( damon's spent most of his time acclimating to the station, getting used to the link, and keeping an eye on elena. now that he's sure he has something of a lid on his own thoughts, and can hold them back if he really wants to, he figures it's finally a good time to get lessons in shielding. sam's the only one he knows can help him there, so it's sam he seeks out, reaching for his mind through the link. hopefully he's got himself locked down enough that all sam can feel is his question — where are you? — but if he's not, it won't be the end of the world. he's not thinking about anything he doesn't want sam to know. )
...I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW EITHER lets say day 10-11
sizeofyourbaggage
2017-02-23 04:04 am (UTC)(link)
[ Even if Damon's not locked down enough to keep most of his thoughts and emotions from Sam, Sam is. Another perk of being able to control what he gives out - he can also control what he takes in. He turns his focus readily towards Damon when he feels him brush against the mental link, just enough to make it clear that he's giving Damon his full attention. ]
( Training area in the hangar. What's up, man? )
( Training area in the hangar. What's up, man? )
[ Hello, Seviilia. There's a hum of acknowledgement, followed by a huff of something that could almost be amusement - if not tinged with a faint hint of wariness. ]
( No rest for the wicked. I been meaning to talk to you. )
( No rest for the wicked. I been meaning to talk to you. )
[ There's a trickle of something apologetic as soon as her mind touches his, not exactly intended but out before he can really even think about it. ]
( I think so. I didn't think it was gonna be like that; are you okay? )
( I think so. I didn't think it was gonna be like that; are you okay? )
[ All right, either she's gonna spring some kind of "I ate everything that could remotely be food and I'm still hungry cause I'm a fucking super soldier" silly nonsense on him, or this is actually pretty serious.
He's not gonna deny the faint note of concern, but honestly either way, his answer's the same. ]
( 'Course, Shep, what's up? )
He's not gonna deny the faint note of concern, but honestly either way, his answer's the same. ]
( 'Course, Shep, what's up? )
[ It's Ilde he needed to reach out to first, but not long after the ship lands on the Waystation: ]
( - morning )
[ For someone just recovered from a deep sleep he doesn't sound all that groggy, having had a day to recover back on the Station. There's even a hint of wry humor that slips through, lacquered with apology. Beneath that is the faint touch of stale, cold sweat.
He doesn't remember falling asleep. ]
( - morning )
[ For someone just recovered from a deep sleep he doesn't sound all that groggy, having had a day to recover back on the Station. There's even a hint of wry humor that slips through, lacquered with apology. Beneath that is the faint touch of stale, cold sweat.
He doesn't remember falling asleep. ]
[ When Steve's mind brushes against his, there's a sensation like a sigh of relief, something clicking back into place. Flickers of emotion slip through - a jumble of worry, gratitude, affection, happiness - before he manages to wrangle his shields back into place. Though he maybe focuses on their connection a little more than he might've before, because damn it's good to feel that again. ]
( Sleep well? )
[ Underneath his words and a hint of wry humor in return, there's an unspoken question: where are you? mixed with can I come? ]
( Sleep well? )
[ Underneath his words and a hint of wry humor in return, there's an unspoken question: where are you? mixed with can I come? ]
[Like he said, after he mentally hangs up, he's going looking for Sam. Maybe it's selfish to ask for this, face to face. But if they can get some distance from the others, where he doesn't have to worry about overwhelming someone else -- like the new arrivals -- this will be easier, won't it?]
[Where are you, Sam Wilson?]
[Where are you, Sam Wilson?]
[ It'd surprised him a little, the effect of what he'd said. He thought Shiro might be upset by him pointing it out, sure, maybe a little guilty, but he hadn't anything that severe.
So of course he agrees when Shiro requests to meet in person, sending the knowledge of the back alley where he's hanging out across their mental link. Then he waits, until he spots Shiro heading over and pushes himself away from the wall he'd been leaning against. ]
Hey.
So of course he agrees when Shiro requests to meet in person, sending the knowledge of the back alley where he's hanging out across their mental link. Then he waits, until he spots Shiro heading over and pushes himself away from the wall he'd been leaning against. ]
Hey.
[ Katie's enthusiasm is catching - literally - but he'd probably be into it either way. It's good seeing her happy, and he's already interested in some aspects of technology. ]
( I'm gonna guess about three times as cool as it sounds, did she let you take a look at it? )
( I'm gonna guess about three times as cool as it sounds, did she let you take a look at it? )
( I need a favour.
though damon tries to keep the request the only thing he sends through the link, he's too used to sharing freely with sam to hold back everything he's feeling. the anxious, scared buzz that hitches a ride with the words has a shape, a name — stefan's here, and he's human, and damon's not going to be able to keep both him and elena safe on his own. much as he hates the idea of introducing any of his friends to perfect, preferred stefan, this is a necessary evil. )
though damon tries to keep the request the only thing he sends through the link, he's too used to sharing freely with sam to hold back everything he's feeling. the anxious, scared buzz that hitches a ride with the words has a shape, a name — stefan's here, and he's human, and damon's not going to be able to keep both him and elena safe on his own. much as he hates the idea of introducing any of his friends to perfect, preferred stefan, this is a necessary evil. )
[ At first, there's the instinct to reply teasingly, to ask Damon just what kind of favor he's asking for or tell him that he's gotta buy him dinner first, but it fades rapidly when he picks up on that anxiety. He hasn't really seen Damon scared since he stumbled on the memories buried in his mind, and that sobers him pretty quick.
Stefan's here, he catches, a name and a face, and he remembers snippets of those memories, remembers Damon's certainty that Stefan'd find him and feeling that hope crumble to nothing.
It's... pointless to feel a little disgruntled at this Stefan guy for that, when if he's worth the care that Damon obviously has for him, he probably feels like shit for it anyway - and god knows Sam himself gets just how easy it is to try so hard to be good enough to save someone and somehow never quite make it - but it's there anyway. ]
( I got you baby doll, what do you need? ) [ Serious or not, the playful pet name slips out, just in habit. ]
Stefan's here, he catches, a name and a face, and he remembers snippets of those memories, remembers Damon's certainty that Stefan'd find him and feeling that hope crumble to nothing.
It's... pointless to feel a little disgruntled at this Stefan guy for that, when if he's worth the care that Damon obviously has for him, he probably feels like shit for it anyway - and god knows Sam himself gets just how easy it is to try so hard to be good enough to save someone and somehow never quite make it - but it's there anyway. ]
( I got you baby doll, what do you need? ) [ Serious or not, the playful pet name slips out, just in habit. ]
[At the back of the mind sits a knotted thread or a small, inert stone. And then the knot unravels. The stone becomes an egg and hatches. Something flexes in the interim and--]
( Are you well? )
[It's a sensation more than it is real, actual words. It's the feeling of sun on the back of the neck, of ozone scent recycled through systems as a ship pierces atmosphere, of snapping crackers between fingers for the enjoyment of the sound and texture of something crumbling. How far does Cathaway's mind reach? Far enough, apparently.]
( Are you well? )
[It's a sensation more than it is real, actual words. It's the feeling of sun on the back of the neck, of ozone scent recycled through systems as a ship pierces atmosphere, of snapping crackers between fingers for the enjoyment of the sound and texture of something crumbling. How far does Cathaway's mind reach? Far enough, apparently.]
[ There's a faint note of surprise when he feels Cathway's presence in his mind. The sensation of a question rather than the actual words isn't as unsettling as it would have been before Sam developed his connection with some people enough to start using it himself, but it still is a little. Because it's Cathaway, and he doesn't know her as well as anyone else he's used wordless communication with. And because he'd thought they were too far out of range.
Most of his impression of her is formed from the minds of other people, from what he's picked up on their perceptions of her. But he's thought for a while that he should change that, so he actually answers that question instead of brushing it off. ]
( Well as can be expected when I only half know what I'm doing most of the time. Feels like I've had a headache since I first got here, though. )
Most of his impression of her is formed from the minds of other people, from what he's picked up on their perceptions of her. But he's thought for a while that he should change that, so he actually answers that question instead of brushing it off. ]
( Well as can be expected when I only half know what I'm doing most of the time. Feels like I've had a headache since I first got here, though. )
[Very, very shortly after this happens, the mental version of eye-twitching comes through the link.]
(We can't even kiss again.)
[Please don't take that seriously, Sam, this is just Shiro being Shiro. And it probably shows across the link.]
(I need a black hole to leap into. Immediately.)
(We can't even kiss again.)
[Please don't take that seriously, Sam, this is just Shiro being Shiro. And it probably shows across the link.]
(I need a black hole to leap into. Immediately.)
[ Laughter flows across their mental link, warm and free. He gets that Shiro's not serious, just uncomfortable, and he can't help but be a little amused. ]
( Sorry, fresh out of black holes. I got my arms, though, you can leap into those. )
[ Yes, he knows that was awful. ]
( Sorry, fresh out of black holes. I got my arms, though, you can leap into those. )
[ Yes, he knows that was awful. ]
[ It starts simply, the shift between formless, uneasy sleep to something deeper. First, there is water, waves lapping at his ankles, his knees. Higher, higher, and ahead -- the dimly gleaming turn of a lighthouse. Safety, if Clint can make it. God does he try, breath sharp in his lungs, legs burning as the water rises.
But there's a weight upon his shoulders, hands, pushing him down, down. The water rises, and the hands weigh him down, more and more, grabbing at cloth and limbs. The lighthouse beam blinds him, warm light bleeding colder, blueblueblue. He stumbles, and it's fatal.
The hands drag him down, fighting and furious beneath the waves. Water crashes over his head, cold cold cold, breath stolen from his lungs as he's dragged to the drowning depths. Somewhere deep below is the Raft, and even though Clint knows he will drown long before he reaches that sterile cage, it shudders through him. The panic, the fear, spiraling through the edges of his mind and spilling over. Sam catches the worst of it, as closely wound as he is, before Bellamy and Shiro can waken.
He can't breathe, he can't breathe. ]
But there's a weight upon his shoulders, hands, pushing him down, down. The water rises, and the hands weigh him down, more and more, grabbing at cloth and limbs. The lighthouse beam blinds him, warm light bleeding colder, blueblueblue. He stumbles, and it's fatal.
The hands drag him down, fighting and furious beneath the waves. Water crashes over his head, cold cold cold, breath stolen from his lungs as he's dragged to the drowning depths. Somewhere deep below is the Raft, and even though Clint knows he will drown long before he reaches that sterile cage, it shudders through him. The panic, the fear, spiraling through the edges of his mind and spilling over. Sam catches the worst of it, as closely wound as he is, before Bellamy and Shiro can waken.
He can't breathe, he can't breathe. ]
[ Whatever Sam might've been dreaming of fades when Clint's fear seeps into his sleeping mind. It's not the first time this has happened with them, not with how often they sleep in the same space with each other, but this is rough. Triggered by putting off something during the waking hours, by Clint doing what he does best and being the heart of any team, any family he finds himself a part of - even if it means he doesn't give himself time to break.
Sam knows. There are no secrets between them, just things that hover in the dark parts of their mind and beg not to be looked at too closely, not today. And they respect that, mostly, for a number of reasons that depend on what they're not acknowledging at the moment. When Sam had felt the way the Darkling's absence weighed on his brood, the way Clint went to Shiro and Bellamy and came back frayed and bared - he hadn't pushed. Just wrapped Clint up in his arms and held him tighter, like maybe his presence could ward off the hollow ache in Clint's mind.
But none of them are unbreakable. Clint's panic muddles his dreams, turns his mind to confusion, twists it to understanding. The Raft makes them both shudder, and Sam's mind supplies the memories of too bright light, the smell of blood and bleach, the sounds of the guards' footsteps. Caged and weighted down and the depth is crushing, somehow the water keeps pouring into his lungs even though his rib cage has been compressed too much to breathe.
Breathe, he can't breathe.
Even dreaming, Sam's reaction to feeling Clint's desperation is instinctive. He sucks in a breath, slow and deliberate, reaches out like he can carve a path from his lungs to Clint's. His wings shouldn't be able to function under water - wouldn't be able to function at all if this was his nightmare - but it's Clint's, and that starts to edge into his awareness.
The feathers of his wings gleam sharp in even the cold light, cutting anything in their way as he wraps himself around Clint.
Hold on, breathe with me. ]
Sam knows. There are no secrets between them, just things that hover in the dark parts of their mind and beg not to be looked at too closely, not today. And they respect that, mostly, for a number of reasons that depend on what they're not acknowledging at the moment. When Sam had felt the way the Darkling's absence weighed on his brood, the way Clint went to Shiro and Bellamy and came back frayed and bared - he hadn't pushed. Just wrapped Clint up in his arms and held him tighter, like maybe his presence could ward off the hollow ache in Clint's mind.
But none of them are unbreakable. Clint's panic muddles his dreams, turns his mind to confusion, twists it to understanding. The Raft makes them both shudder, and Sam's mind supplies the memories of too bright light, the smell of blood and bleach, the sounds of the guards' footsteps. Caged and weighted down and the depth is crushing, somehow the water keeps pouring into his lungs even though his rib cage has been compressed too much to breathe.
Breathe, he can't breathe.
Even dreaming, Sam's reaction to feeling Clint's desperation is instinctive. He sucks in a breath, slow and deliberate, reaches out like he can carve a path from his lungs to Clint's. His wings shouldn't be able to function under water - wouldn't be able to function at all if this was his nightmare - but it's Clint's, and that starts to edge into his awareness.
The feathers of his wings gleam sharp in even the cold light, cutting anything in their way as he wraps himself around Clint.
Hold on, breathe with me. ]
( Sam? Gonna need a medic down here. )
[Shepard is fairly sure she's going to get yelled at about this. Better yet, she'll deserve it. Still, it is a little funny. Shepard's presence is centered in the firing range, not far from the hangar. If nothing else is clear: is not she who is hurt.]
( It's an emergency. )
[Shepard is fairly sure she's going to get yelled at about this. Better yet, she'll deserve it. Still, it is a little funny. Shepard's presence is centered in the firing range, not far from the hangar. If nothing else is clear: is not she who is hurt.]
( It's an emergency. )
[ Gonna need a medic is never all that good when combined with it's an emergency, even if it's not Shepard who's hurt. He doesn't bother asking what she did - it's not important at the moment; she can tell him what happened while he sees to whoever it is.
Instead, he starts moving towards her. ]
( On my way. )
Instead, he starts moving towards her. ]
( On my way. )
[The ship to Hyrypia will be skimming away in just a few hours, laden with all the Station's Hosts but two. One of them is waiting for Sam: perched in a spindled grey chair in the room where he sleeps. Cathaway lifts her face to him when he appears in the doorway. She smiles, every sensation in the shape of her expression like finding a wolf waiting in the dark.]
Hello Sam.
Hello Sam.
[ Sam stills in the doorway when he sees her, pulling in a slow breath and exhaling to try to let go of the faint unsettled feeling he gets at that smile. The last thing he needs is for it to spread to his broodmate or the others in the Nest he's close with. ]
Cathaway. What can I do for you?
Cathaway. What can I do for you?
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