[Bucky gets up before he can let himself take comfort in Sam's touch, in his words, in everything Sam promises that he doesn't deserve. Sam doesn't seem to understand that: at the end of the day it doesn't matter what Sam thinks he wants or desires, it's what Bucky doesn't deserve. And he sure as hell doesn't deserve this, any of it. He's angry, but doesn't know why. His legs are shaking under him, but he chalks it up to weakness, to how goddamn long it's taking to get over the moss.
Because none of this matters. The Soldier- the programming- will come and keep coming until there's nothing left but blood and Bucky can't let that happen. He doesn't care if that means he has to go it alone, but he sure as hell can't take Sam down with him.
He's more than angry, he realizes. He's pissed. He's pissed that he can't make sense of all of this, that he can't put into words how he feels, that he can't get Sam to just go away when it would be better for him to dodge this goddamn bullet. ]
I love you.
[His head is spinning. The world is spinning and he's sagging back down to the floor.]
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Because none of this matters. The Soldier- the programming- will come and keep coming until there's nothing left but blood and Bucky can't let that happen. He doesn't care if that means he has to go it alone, but he sure as hell can't take Sam down with him.
He's more than angry, he realizes. He's pissed. He's pissed that he can't make sense of all of this, that he can't put into words how he feels, that he can't get Sam to just go away when it would be better for him to dodge this goddamn bullet. ]
I love you.
[His head is spinning. The world is spinning and he's sagging back down to the floor.]
You can't do this.