Sam Wilson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
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( Thanks, but I've got this. )
[ Linking with Bellamy's mind right now is a bit much; everything's there on the surface, with no breaks or walls to conceal or mitigate the flow of his thoughts. ]
( Save it. Someone else'll need it more than me. )
[ Still not totally convinced something isn't going to blow up, but Bellamy's got plenty drawing his attention rn. ]
[ Linking with Bellamy's mind right now is a bit much; everything's there on the surface, with no breaks or walls to conceal or mitigate the flow of his thoughts. ]
( Save it. Someone else'll need it more than me. )
[ Still not totally convinced something isn't going to blow up, but Bellamy's got plenty drawing his attention rn. ]
[ This is a guy that doesn't exactly know how to take a compliment - he gives Sam a wry look that says yeah yeah, changing the subject now. An eyebrow raises, cocking his head at the hand Sam's extended his way. ]
Wouldn't say no to some aspirin. [ A beat, curiosity coloring his features as he reaches over for that handshake. ]
Wouldn't say no to some aspirin. [ A beat, curiosity coloring his features as he reaches over for that handshake. ]
[It takes Bucky a while to actually reach out through the brood link to Sam, not that he thinks he's been sneaky enough to hide. He rolls in like the fog but pauses at the edges of Sam's head, like a soldier waiting for orders.]
( Did it happen again? )
[The killing, the return to the Soldier, he means.]
( Did it happen again? )
[The killing, the return to the Soldier, he means.]
Yeah, that's much more reassuring.
[ Oh, it's totally cool that I'm sticking my metal hand in the microwave fire and making it worse, Sam, because I can't feel a thing! That definitely doesn't say shit about my psyche.
But Sam's too tired to go into that, and he's pretty sure he pushed enough last time they talked, so he lets it go. Keeps the subject light, shaking his head a little. ]
Welcome to the club, man. My old wingman back home, he couldn't even microwave soup without making it explode. My casualties include a potato and at least a dozen or so burritos.
[ Oh, it's totally cool that I'm sticking my metal hand in the microwave fire and making it worse, Sam, because I can't feel a thing! That definitely doesn't say shit about my psyche.
But Sam's too tired to go into that, and he's pretty sure he pushed enough last time they talked, so he lets it go. Keeps the subject light, shaking his head a little. ]
Welcome to the club, man. My old wingman back home, he couldn't even microwave soup without making it explode. My casualties include a potato and at least a dozen or so burritos.
( Careful, now, or I'm gonna start developing a complex about you not letting me heal you. )
[ But fair enough, and Sam's mostly just teasing because he can. He's still got most of his attention on Sam Anders and the robot - and blocking it all out of his head. He doesn't have enough concentration to try to insist, even if he felt like it. ]
( Yeah, all right, your call. Just take good care of yourself, man. )
[ Not that it won't stop Sam from checking in with him later, most likely. ]
[ But fair enough, and Sam's mostly just teasing because he can. He's still got most of his attention on Sam Anders and the robot - and blocking it all out of his head. He doesn't have enough concentration to try to insist, even if he felt like it. ]
( Yeah, all right, your call. Just take good care of yourself, man. )
[ Not that it won't stop Sam from checking in with him later, most likely. ]
[ Sam can't stop the short rush of something like relief when he feels Barnes contacting him - but he tamps it down pretty quickly, because he doesn't want to unpack what the hell that feeling is right about now. ]
( Only once that I know of. But I've been trying not to keep too close tabs on you, figured you might not appreciate it that much. )
[ Not that he can stop it completely, with their brood link, but he hasn't been purposefully trying to use it at least. Still, he opens his mind up, a silent invitation for Barnes to come in as much as he wants. Sam's gotten a hell of a lot better about making himself available without forcing anything. ]
( Only once that I know of. But I've been trying not to keep too close tabs on you, figured you might not appreciate it that much. )
[ Not that he can stop it completely, with their brood link, but he hasn't been purposefully trying to use it at least. Still, he opens his mind up, a silent invitation for Barnes to come in as much as he wants. Sam's gotten a hell of a lot better about making himself available without forcing anything. ]
[Something a little like standing in bright sunlight blazes through the link and Bucky backs away almost instantly. The sensation is gone soon enough and he returns, though with a more hesitant touch.]
( Yeah, had enough of that my whole life. )
[What he lived of it, at least.]
( Was that... Berlin? Or here? )
[Though he's getting the vibe that Sam wasn't there for this second episode of killer war machine vs concordia.]
( Yeah, had enough of that my whole life. )
[What he lived of it, at least.]
( Was that... Berlin? Or here? )
[Though he's getting the vibe that Sam wasn't there for this second episode of killer war machine vs concordia.]
[ He can feel Barnes retreating at that, but he doesn't apologize for it. For one, that'd be acknowledging it, and for another, he's not gonna apologize for something he doesn't even really get. ]
( Yeah, kinda worked that out. I'm big on letting people make their own choices, even if they're stupid ones. )
[ He lets out an exhale, running his hand over his jaw. ]
( Here, but I didn't see it. You remember Berlin? )
( Yeah, kinda worked that out. I'm big on letting people make their own choices, even if they're stupid ones. )
[ He lets out an exhale, running his hand over his jaw. ]
( Here, but I didn't see it. You remember Berlin? )
[ Don't think that Sam hasn't notice that, man. He raises one eyebrow at that look, but holds back on commenting on it. Now's not the time. ]
Oh, I can do a little better than that.
[ He takes Steve's hand, grip firm and friendly, and once again does his best to focus on the way it feels when his symbiote ability activates. If he figures out how it works, then maybe he can figure out how to keep it from happening every damn time he touches someone. There's a pulse of warmth before the soft sting of pain as new injuries appear on him where they've healed up on Steve. ]
Just haven't gotten a handle on controlling it yet.
Oh, I can do a little better than that.
[ He takes Steve's hand, grip firm and friendly, and once again does his best to focus on the way it feels when his symbiote ability activates. If he figures out how it works, then maybe he can figure out how to keep it from happening every damn time he touches someone. There's a pulse of warmth before the soft sting of pain as new injuries appear on him where they've healed up on Steve. ]
Just haven't gotten a handle on controlling it yet.
[ There's a swell of mingled appreciation and worry in return, underscored by pain because Bellamy's mental blocks are in tatters and he genuinely can't hold anything back. But the connection breaks, most likely because Murphy and Lexa are demanding his attention.
Don't do anything dumb, Sam. ]
Don't do anything dumb, Sam. ]
Really. It's fine.
[He couldn't shove it into spaceship hulls or use it to weld doors shut if it hurt him. Well... if it hurt when he did those things. He doesn't know why it hurt so bad when it first activated.]
[... part of him doesn't want to know why.]
You can microwave potatoes?
[He couldn't shove it into spaceship hulls or use it to weld doors shut if it hurt him. Well... if it hurt when he did those things. He doesn't know why it hurt so bad when it first activated.]
[... part of him doesn't want to know why.]
You can microwave potatoes?
[The slight implication that Bucky (or possibly a certain noodle-armed not-super soldier) makes dumb decisions earns a quiet note of amusement. The reminder of Berlin erases it just as quickly.]
( Pieces. I remember throwing you. Remember choking Steve. Killing one of the guards. )
( Pieces. I remember throwing you. Remember choking Steve. Killing one of the guards. )
[ The both of them got plenty of dumb decisions to go around, honestly, Sam doesn't know why he hangs out with them. Doesn't stop him from smiling, just a little bit, soft and pleased, at that tinge of amusement.
But it fades when Barnes answers, and Sam nods. ]
( Yeah, you did. )
[ It's simple and matter of fact, but there's no blame in his words or in the emotions that bleed through their mental link. It's not Barnes's fault, Sam believes that, but this isn't about fault. He's just trying to figure out what Barnes remembers here: no blame, but no excuses.
Besides, Sam felt the urge to punch anyone who told him that Riley's death wasn't his fault for around a year or so; he's not gonna push it until he knows where Barnes' head is at. ]
( You remember after that, that tiny ass clown car and the airport? )
But it fades when Barnes answers, and Sam nods. ]
( Yeah, you did. )
[ It's simple and matter of fact, but there's no blame in his words or in the emotions that bleed through their mental link. It's not Barnes's fault, Sam believes that, but this isn't about fault. He's just trying to figure out what Barnes remembers here: no blame, but no excuses.
Besides, Sam felt the urge to punch anyone who told him that Riley's death wasn't his fault for around a year or so; he's not gonna push it until he knows where Barnes' head is at. ]
( You remember after that, that tiny ass clown car and the airport? )
[The reel in Bucky's head replays Berlin in the bits he can remember: throwing Sam, speaking with the doctor, choking Steve. No, that wasn't the order. His mind rewinds. Speaking with the doctor, throwing Sam, choking Steve and then falling? No wind in his ears this time, only a sudden stop.]
( You... ) [Something that might be a chuckle in real life brushes some warmth into his side of the connection.] ( You wouldn't move your seat up. )
( You... ) [Something that might be a chuckle in real life brushes some warmth into his side of the connection.] ( You wouldn't move your seat up. )
[ There's something definitely a chuckle in return, an echo of that warmth sinking into Sam's side. ]
( Hell yeah I wouldn't. Where I come from you gotta earn leg room. 'Course after the spider kid, I might lean my seat forward a little. )
[ But only a little. The hint of teasing fades from his thoughts at his next question, though. ]
( Does it bother you, when you get stuck in memory like that? I learned to call them flashbacks, back when I started going to the VA. )
( Hell yeah I wouldn't. Where I come from you gotta earn leg room. 'Course after the spider kid, I might lean my seat forward a little. )
[ But only a little. The hint of teasing fades from his thoughts at his next question, though. ]
( Does it bother you, when you get stuck in memory like that? I learned to call them flashbacks, back when I started going to the VA. )
Oh, I believe you that it doesn't hurt.
[ It's just that Sam has a different defintion of fine, and 'robot arm that may or may not have been inflicted on me without my consent and makes it so I can't feel anything in that hand' doesn't count as fine. Doesn't matter that Sam has experience with that kind of thing, it'll never get any more fine.
But Sam is sticking to light, here, and he means it, so he just chuckles a little. ]
Hell yeah. It'll get you a baked potato in about five minutes - just don't forget to poke it a couple of times with a fork, or it'll be less 'baked' and more 'exploded.'
[ He can laugh about it now - though back when he'd first started using a microwave to make his baked potatoes because he couldn't actually convince himself to cook, the explosion in his microwave had dropped him onto the kitchen floor for a solid ten minutes before he stopped tasting dust and hearing IEDs.
Sam's tired enough that a flash of that memory bleeds through, but he lets it go just as quick with a shrug and a smile. ]
[ It's just that Sam has a different defintion of fine, and 'robot arm that may or may not have been inflicted on me without my consent and makes it so I can't feel anything in that hand' doesn't count as fine. Doesn't matter that Sam has experience with that kind of thing, it'll never get any more fine.
But Sam is sticking to light, here, and he means it, so he just chuckles a little. ]
Hell yeah. It'll get you a baked potato in about five minutes - just don't forget to poke it a couple of times with a fork, or it'll be less 'baked' and more 'exploded.'
[ He can laugh about it now - though back when he'd first started using a microwave to make his baked potatoes because he couldn't actually convince himself to cook, the explosion in his microwave had dropped him onto the kitchen floor for a solid ten minutes before he stopped tasting dust and hearing IEDs.
Sam's tired enough that a flash of that memory bleeds through, but he lets it go just as quick with a shrug and a smile. ]
If a spaceship hull can't hurt it, I think the microwave is out of its league.
[If Sam can stick to light, then Shiro can at least try and reciprocate. At least try and make it sound amusing. Maybe sometime, he'll think of Pidge using it as a modem before he thinks of it as a weapon he didn't ask for.]
[That'd be nice.]
[But then the conversation changes, and there's a memory. Right as he thinks of oh god a potato. Because how long has it been since he even saw one, let alone had one. Which, of course, leads him to thinking of every other food he misses.]
[And then there's the time he was dared to eat six bowls of Garrison macaroni at one time. He fuckin' won that one.]
... sorry, I. That sounds dramatic.
[If Sam can stick to light, then Shiro can at least try and reciprocate. At least try and make it sound amusing. Maybe sometime, he'll think of Pidge using it as a modem before he thinks of it as a weapon he didn't ask for.]
[That'd be nice.]
[But then the conversation changes, and there's a memory. Right as he thinks of oh god a potato. Because how long has it been since he even saw one, let alone had one. Which, of course, leads him to thinking of every other food he misses.]
[And then there's the time he was dared to eat six bowls of Garrison macaroni at one time. He fuckin' won that one.]
... sorry, I. That sounds dramatic.
[ He glances down at their hands, an eyebrow raising just as his free hand lifts, touching the back of his head.
Huh.
Both eyebrows shoot up. ]
Doesn't usually happen when you want it to, or - ? [ What's the catch there? ]
Huh.
Both eyebrows shoot up. ]
Doesn't usually happen when you want it to, or - ? [ What's the catch there? ]
[The concept of earning your way is infinitely familiar to Bucky, more so than to the Soldier. He lived it in Brooklyn, in the army, and even in Berlin. Actions speak louder than words in nearly every field, but the most in the arena of trust and a budding friendship that Bucky himself is starting to believe in, though tentatively.
The follow-up question fields a sense of reluctance; this isn't something he wants to talk about.]
( They're all I have. ) [It's a sentiment he simply can't hide from Sam. Almost all of his memories are derived from flashbacks, from calls to the past he answers.]
The follow-up question fields a sense of reluctance; this isn't something he wants to talk about.]
( They're all I have. ) [It's a sentiment he simply can't hide from Sam. Almost all of his memories are derived from flashbacks, from calls to the past he answers.]
[ Something he and Barnes have in common, there - only for Sam it was Harlem and the air force and later at the VA. Words are real pretty and sometimes they can help, but most of what you are is what you do.
And he knows that means that all he can do here is, well. Keep doing what he's doing. Treat Barnes like a person, keep on trying to show him that he's got options. That he's got a choice. ]
( You got this. You and me talking right now. And you're gonna have a lot more of those, you can make new memories. You don't have to rely on who you used to be. )
[ But Sam knows what it's like when flashbacks and memories are all you have of something, even if it hurts. ]
( There's things you can do when they happen to help, so you can remember it without it feeling like it's happening again and without letting the memory control you. )
And he knows that means that all he can do here is, well. Keep doing what he's doing. Treat Barnes like a person, keep on trying to show him that he's got options. That he's got a choice. ]
( You got this. You and me talking right now. And you're gonna have a lot more of those, you can make new memories. You don't have to rely on who you used to be. )
[ But Sam knows what it's like when flashbacks and memories are all you have of something, even if it hurts. ]
( There's things you can do when they happen to help, so you can remember it without it feeling like it's happening again and without letting the memory control you. )
[ Despite the new injuries, Sam can't help but give a little pleased grin at Steve's reaction. It's not a bad ability, really, if he could get a better handle on it.
But he makes a bit of a face, taking another drink before he responds. ]
Happens whether I want it to or not, whenever I touch someone who's injured or tired.
But he makes a bit of a face, taking another drink before he responds. ]
Happens whether I want it to or not, whenever I touch someone who's injured or tired.
No off switch? [ That's got to be kind of rough with this group. His head cants to one side, holding the bottle between both hands now. ] Could be that it works a bit like the brain stuff.
[ Always connected, and you need to consciously shield yourself to keep from bleeding into the people near you. ]
[ Always connected, and you need to consciously shield yourself to keep from bleeding into the people near you. ]
[ Sam's chuckling even before Shiro cuts off his food train of thought with an apology. He shakes his head, flashing a wide, gap-toothed smile at him, warm and amused. ]
Uh-huh. Last time I think about sharing any of my shit with you, man.
[ As though he'd actually thought about sharing it this time instead of just having the memory triggered, but still. He's teasing - except for the part where yeah he's gonna remember that, but probably only to bring it up again and tease him with it later. He tugs open the fridge, pulling out a couple of potatoes and a tupperware of leftover chili, nodding in the direction of the damaged microwave. ]
I'm pretty sure you just did that so I'd feel bad enough for you to make you something to eat, but fortunately, I could use a midnight snack. Fire should be out in that one by now, see how much you can get cleaned up while I use the other one to bake these?
Uh-huh. Last time I think about sharing any of my shit with you, man.
[ As though he'd actually thought about sharing it this time instead of just having the memory triggered, but still. He's teasing - except for the part where yeah he's gonna remember that, but probably only to bring it up again and tease him with it later. He tugs open the fridge, pulling out a couple of potatoes and a tupperware of leftover chili, nodding in the direction of the damaged microwave. ]
I'm pretty sure you just did that so I'd feel bad enough for you to make you something to eat, but fortunately, I could use a midnight snack. Fire should be out in that one by now, see how much you can get cleaned up while I use the other one to bake these?
Sorry. I... it's been a long time since I had anything.
[Anything that wasn't space goo or whatever it was the Galra handed to their prisoners. He can't really remember what it was. But that's probably for the best, in all honesty.]
[And he really is apologetic about it. He hadn't meant to suddenly leap into a pile of food-related memories. Maybe Hunk has rubbed off on them all.]
[Except that. Literally all goes out the window. Because there is actual, goddamn, recognizable human food in the other man's hands. His eyes actually get a little wide. No way, he's not going to get emotional over a plastic container of chili and a couple goddamn potatoes.]
... sure. Right.
[Anything that wasn't space goo or whatever it was the Galra handed to their prisoners. He can't really remember what it was. But that's probably for the best, in all honesty.]
[And he really is apologetic about it. He hadn't meant to suddenly leap into a pile of food-related memories. Maybe Hunk has rubbed off on them all.]
[Except that. Literally all goes out the window. Because there is actual, goddamn, recognizable human food in the other man's hands. His eyes actually get a little wide. No way, he's not going to get emotional over a plastic container of chili and a couple goddamn potatoes.]
... sure. Right.
[ Sam considers that, tilting his head a little to eye his hands speculatively. ] Could be. Nothing I use to block out all the brain stuff's worked so far, but I think I need to get a feel for how it works before I can figure out how to shield it, you know? How'd you get yours sorted out?
[ As soon as it's out of his mouth, though, Sam makes a little face at himself. ]
Which isn't what you came up here to talk about.
[ As soon as it's out of his mouth, though, Sam makes a little face at himself. ]
Which isn't what you came up here to talk about.
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