Sam Wilson (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
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[ Yeah, that distance isn't worrying at all. But Sam follows in kind, keeping his confusion and concern buried as he reaches back out. ]
( Always, man, what's up? You want me to meet you somewhere? )
( Always, man, what's up? You want me to meet you somewhere? )
[ This is all shades of pathetic, she knows. This is knocking on Shinji's door late at night to assure herself that she isn't sleeping in an empty house. This is picking petty fights with Asuka just to talk to another human being. This is beckoning for Pen Pen to come for a cuddle. It's tried and true.
This isn't as much a knock as a gentle push against a mental door held ajar, not stepping in further without expressed invitation. ]
( Let's not do that again, but . . . )
This isn't as much a knock as a gentle push against a mental door held ajar, not stepping in further without expressed invitation. ]
( Let's not do that again, but . . . )
( Found something you oughta see. )
[ But whatever it is, he doesn't allow an image to follow. Instead, he tunes into the connection just a bit more, enough to let Sam come find him down some empty hallways, to an equally empty dead end of a room. Away from the others. ]
[ But whatever it is, he doesn't allow an image to follow. Instead, he tunes into the connection just a bit more, enough to let Sam come find him down some empty hallways, to an equally empty dead end of a room. Away from the others. ]
[ It might be pathetic, but there's a clear welcome when he feels her on the outside of his mind. He's more than glad to hear from her. Sam lowers his shields a little, focusing his attention on their connection as the sensation of a smile drifts across the mental link. ]
( You don't gotta give me alcohol for me to want to hang with you. I gotta thank you, though. I needed that. )
( You don't gotta give me alcohol for me to want to hang with you. I gotta thank you, though. I needed that. )
[ Still unsettling. But Sam doesn't press for more at the moment. He trusts Steve more than enough to come find him just on that.
Once he's traced the connection and found the empty room, though, Sam lets a question press at Steve's mind, wordless curiosity. ]
What've you got?
Once he's traced the connection and found the empty room, though, Sam lets a question press at Steve's mind, wordless curiosity. ]
What've you got?
[ There's the potential for a kneejerk reaction, like a hedgehog bristling her quills, but she subdues it before she forms her armor. What she keeps to herself: Why do you think I thought I needed to bribe you with alcohol for company? That's not what he means. It's just that same old thing, misunderstanding, the travails of human communication. She tries to return the smile though it comes across as hesitant. ]
( You mean the excuse to get wasted? Or to bond over our crapsack worlds? )
( You mean the excuse to get wasted? Or to bond over our crapsack worlds? )
[ One part at a time. Steve's standing there, off to the side, expression darkening as Sam enters. His mouth opens to answer the question, then closes, brow pinching for a few seconds before he tries again. ]
Catheway - she said the Station... it thought I could use it. [ Not exactly.
He hasn't been looking at Sam, and now nods to the wall behind him, the one he pass through to enter. A shield is propped up against it, the paint sanded down from its normally bright red, white and blue.
Steve didn't want to be holding it when Sam came in here. ]
Catheway - she said the Station... it thought I could use it. [ Not exactly.
He hasn't been looking at Sam, and now nods to the wall behind him, the one he pass through to enter. A shield is propped up against it, the paint sanded down from its normally bright red, white and blue.
Steve didn't want to be holding it when Sam came in here. ]
[ There's a pull to move in closer when he sees Steve's dark expression, when he watches him struggle with words. To put a hand on his shoulder, or something, let him know that whatever it is, Steve can tell him. But Steve's cut off enough that he hesitates, and then he's more than distracted when he follows Steve's gaze. ]
All right, not what I expected.
[ His eyes scan over it, as though he's gonna get what he wants to know just if he looks hard enough. It's different than when he last saw it, but then, Steve left it in Sibera, and he's pretty sure Stark probably took it back. Sam cuts himself off before he gets farther than wondering if they'd gotten it from Stark - assuming doesn't do any good when he could just ask. ]
As unsettling as it is that the Station thinks - it's not wrong. Did she say where the hell it got this from?
All right, not what I expected.
[ His eyes scan over it, as though he's gonna get what he wants to know just if he looks hard enough. It's different than when he last saw it, but then, Steve left it in Sibera, and he's pretty sure Stark probably took it back. Sam cuts himself off before he gets farther than wondering if they'd gotten it from Stark - assuming doesn't do any good when he could just ask. ]
As unsettling as it is that the Station thinks - it's not wrong. Did she say where the hell it got this from?
Yeah. [ He pulls his gaze from the shield, wincing at Sam. Even if he'd decided keeping this from them was the right thing to do, he hadn't been the only one in the chamber with Catheway. ]
She said your guy was here. [ A pause, shaking his head. ] Is here.
I saw him. [ He doesn't offer up the image of the man under the glass, but he thinks the meaning has to be clear enough for Sam. ]
She said your guy was here. [ A pause, shaking his head. ] Is here.
I saw him. [ He doesn't offer up the image of the man under the glass, but he thinks the meaning has to be clear enough for Sam. ]
[ Sam goes still at that, gaze snapping back to Steve. There might have been a moment when he thought that here meant here, as in new Host here, but for the way that Steve used past tense first. No, he's got to mean here as in among all those pods, where who knows how many sleeping Hosts rest.
Even if Sam hasn't deliberately thought about it, it'd been somewhere in the back of his mind. He and Clint took the same deal, Bucky took... some version of it, Sam doesn't know. He wondered if maybe they hadn't gone for Steve, too, gotten as many of them as they could. If he wasn't somewhere in there, waiting to be woken up.
If there wasn't some other version of him in there some where - the one from nova!Sam or Kate's world, maybe, or one from a world they didn't even know about. But there's a reason he hasn't thought too hard about this, and the fact that he doesn't know what to feel about it is a big part of it. What the hell is he supposed to feel here, what is he supposed to do with this?
His shields slip a little, some of that trickling out, and yet what he says is completely different. For the moment, he chooses to focus on the phrasing Steve used. ]
You say that like you're not my guy.
Even if Sam hasn't deliberately thought about it, it'd been somewhere in the back of his mind. He and Clint took the same deal, Bucky took... some version of it, Sam doesn't know. He wondered if maybe they hadn't gone for Steve, too, gotten as many of them as they could. If he wasn't somewhere in there, waiting to be woken up.
If there wasn't some other version of him in there some where - the one from nova!Sam or Kate's world, maybe, or one from a world they didn't even know about. But there's a reason he hasn't thought too hard about this, and the fact that he doesn't know what to feel about it is a big part of it. What the hell is he supposed to feel here, what is he supposed to do with this?
His shields slip a little, some of that trickling out, and yet what he says is completely different. For the moment, he chooses to focus on the phrasing Steve used. ]
You say that like you're not my guy.
[ An exhale - relief or frustration or a burst of disbelief, mind to mind it can feel like all three. Steve hasn't had much time to unpack any of what Catheway showed him. Too late to kick himself for not waiting longer to come to Sam. ]
You know that's not what I mean. [ His tone is more firm now. He's not looking for validation as he sees it, pushing Sam's words aside to get back on course. Another shake of his head. ] He's had the serum. I don't know if that's what's keeping him around - I can show you where he is.
[ Where he's being kept. Steve doesn't know what else to offer, what else to say. ]
You know that's not what I mean. [ His tone is more firm now. He's not looking for validation as he sees it, pushing Sam's words aside to get back on course. Another shake of his head. ] He's had the serum. I don't know if that's what's keeping him around - I can show you where he is.
[ Where he's being kept. Steve doesn't know what else to offer, what else to say. ]
[ Yeah, well. It's what Sam means, and he might not know what he's feeling about this or what he’s gonna do with it, but he knows that.
But he takes the redirection without protest, mostly because of the last bit of what Steve says. Sam doesn’t answer right away, thinks about telling him no thanks - what's the point of going to see a man in a symbiote coma when there’s not a damn thing Sam can do to get him out of it, when it's not like he's even going to be able to tell if it's the one he knows anyway?
He can't, though. Now that he knows, it'll eat away at him if he doesn't go see him. And he doesn't want Steve to think that he shouldn't have told him, not when despite the uncertainty, Sam's grateful he did. He wouldn't have wanted to be kept in the dark. ]
Yeah, okay. Wouldn't feel right not seeing him.
But he takes the redirection without protest, mostly because of the last bit of what Steve says. Sam doesn’t answer right away, thinks about telling him no thanks - what's the point of going to see a man in a symbiote coma when there’s not a damn thing Sam can do to get him out of it, when it's not like he's even going to be able to tell if it's the one he knows anyway?
He can't, though. Now that he knows, it'll eat away at him if he doesn't go see him. And he doesn't want Steve to think that he shouldn't have told him, not when despite the uncertainty, Sam's grateful he did. He wouldn't have wanted to be kept in the dark. ]
Yeah, okay. Wouldn't feel right not seeing him.
[ His gaze hits the floor during the silence, only raising again when Sam finally gives his answer. He returns it with a slow nod. If it were another version of Bucky and Sam had found him, then Steve would've wanted to know. But it's like visiting someone in the hospital, knowing they've been hit hard and the even the nurses look grim.
(or, it would be, if the man didn't have his own face)
A pause, and his gaze trails to the shield where it's propped against the wall. ]
You should have it.
(or, it would be, if the man didn't have his own face)
A pause, and his gaze trails to the shield where it's propped against the wall. ]
You should have it.
[ You gotta stop doing this to him, Steve. He's only just reconciled that not only is it confirmed that there's some version of Steve stuck sleeping the Station somewhere, but he's gonna poke the sore spot by going to see him when he doesn't even really know what's going on in his own head, and then Steve drops that on him.
His kneejerk response is what the hell and for a moment he probably looks it, but it passes quickly. There's a pause as he just looks at Steve, knowing this has got to be a hell of a mind fuck for him. But Steve's so closed off he can't quite figure out what's going on in his head, which means it's time to pull back a little and ask. ]
Why?
His kneejerk response is what the hell and for a moment he probably looks it, but it passes quickly. There's a pause as he just looks at Steve, knowing this has got to be a hell of a mind fuck for him. But Steve's so closed off he can't quite figure out what's going on in his head, which means it's time to pull back a little and ask. ]
Why?
[ A grimace, followed by a light huff, almost a laugh. ]
No idea how to use it. [ It's a bad excuse and he knows it, hence the softened edge of almost-humor. He frowns, eyes scanning over Sam's face. ]
And he'd trust you to carry it. [ If nothing else, Steve knows that much. ]
No idea how to use it. [ It's a bad excuse and he knows it, hence the softened edge of almost-humor. He frowns, eyes scanning over Sam's face. ]
And he'd trust you to carry it. [ If nothing else, Steve knows that much. ]
[ A really bad excuse, because it's not like Sam knows how to use it, either. He knows how to work with someone using it, sure, and he can toss it decently enough to get it back to its owner, but that isn't a point in his favor.
It's the second part that makes him freeze a little. He has no idea if Steve really understands what the shield represents, the kind of icon that Captain America is, the ideals it represents - the way those ideals are twisted, sometimes - what it would mean for someone else to carry it, what it would mean for Sam to carry it.
But even aside from all that, it's the trust part that gets him. He knows that the Steve back home trusts him, of course he does, and he likes to think that the Steve in front of him does, too - or at least is starting to. But hearing that, it means a lot. And it's stupid for it to mean a lot, given all the circumstances - given that he doesn't want the shield, that he knows damn well it belongs with Steve - but there it is. ]
Shield's yours, man, why not you?
It's the second part that makes him freeze a little. He has no idea if Steve really understands what the shield represents, the kind of icon that Captain America is, the ideals it represents - the way those ideals are twisted, sometimes - what it would mean for someone else to carry it, what it would mean for Sam to carry it.
But even aside from all that, it's the trust part that gets him. He knows that the Steve back home trusts him, of course he does, and he likes to think that the Steve in front of him does, too - or at least is starting to. But hearing that, it means a lot. And it's stupid for it to mean a lot, given all the circumstances - given that he doesn't want the shield, that he knows damn well it belongs with Steve - but there it is. ]
Shield's yours, man, why not you?
[He'd found his own little place to sleep after their talks. Because he'd figured some kind of distance was more appropriate. And, besides, he wanted somewhere to claim as his own without really imposing on Sam.]
[Then he'd tacked up a towel over the doorway for some vague kind of privacy.]
[However, none of this is going to stop the fact that, one "night", little flickers of glowing purple light appear in the connection between them. Distress. And so much purple.]
[He hasn't had a nightmare in a while. Seems he was past due.]
[Then he'd tacked up a towel over the doorway for some vague kind of privacy.]
[However, none of this is going to stop the fact that, one "night", little flickers of glowing purple light appear in the connection between them. Distress. And so much purple.]
[He hasn't had a nightmare in a while. Seems he was past due.]
[ He only knows what he's seen from their minds. The man with his crooked nose and a jaw straight from a film poster, the picture that comes to mind would be laughable if it weren't of that same guy lying in a glass coffin. ]
Don't know that it is. [ Stating a fact, plain and simple as he can manage. Different universe. This shield never would've belonged to him, not in his own world. ]
You use it before?
Don't know that it is. [ Stating a fact, plain and simple as he can manage. Different universe. This shield never would've belonged to him, not in his own world. ]
You use it before?
Just throwing it back when it went astray.
[ It's not a fact, though, and Sam can't let it go. He already suspects they've got a case of different universes here instead of different timelines, but the way Sam sees it, that doesn't change a thing. ]
It's yours, Steve. It's not about the serum, it's about you. It's about never backing down from a fight when you're standing up for what's right, about seeing injustice for what it is and not being willing to let it slide, about being a snarky ass who don't know when to quit.
[ It's not a fact, though, and Sam can't let it go. He already suspects they've got a case of different universes here instead of different timelines, but the way Sam sees it, that doesn't change a thing. ]
It's yours, Steve. It's not about the serum, it's about you. It's about never backing down from a fight when you're standing up for what's right, about seeing injustice for what it is and not being willing to let it slide, about being a snarky ass who don't know when to quit.
[ Distant doesn't have to be appropriate. Sam is more than okay with a lack of distance.
But Shiro having his own space is important, and just because part of Sam is tempted to just be around him all of the time, he knows that's not a good idea. This is new for both of them; they should take things slow. And it's not as though Sam isn't already settled where he is. It's strange to almost miss the room he and Clint'd had back in Concordia, but at least the ship they've claimed is better than anything on offer currently in the life support area.
It's Sam's turn to be on watch when he feels the first faint tinges of distress. He's... mostly awake, the half-doze that he learned back in the military when you had to be ready, just in case. Just in case, this time, turns out to be a distress call from Shiro, and it sets Sam on alert immediately. ]
( Shiro? )
But Shiro having his own space is important, and just because part of Sam is tempted to just be around him all of the time, he knows that's not a good idea. This is new for both of them; they should take things slow. And it's not as though Sam isn't already settled where he is. It's strange to almost miss the room he and Clint'd had back in Concordia, but at least the ship they've claimed is better than anything on offer currently in the life support area.
It's Sam's turn to be on watch when he feels the first faint tinges of distress. He's... mostly awake, the half-doze that he learned back in the military when you had to be ready, just in case. Just in case, this time, turns out to be a distress call from Shiro, and it sets Sam on alert immediately. ]
( Shiro? )
[There's no answer. Nothing verbal, anyway. One of those times he's broadcasting without realizing -- because he's asleep, finally passed out from sheer exhaustion. It's still not enough to keep the dreams away completely.]
[This one is too vague for real memories to surface. But it's clear there's bright lights overhead, there's restraints, there's too many implements spread out over surfaces to be anything pleasant. Too many dark forms lurking on the edges of his vision while he fights, struggles.]
[Doing everything in his power to get away before they stick anything else in aching, abused muscles. He'd gotten away, he'd made it a few steps into the hall, he's sure, but then they dragged him in here. Fighting, yelling.]
[There's a lot of distress all right. And none of it intentional.]
[This one is too vague for real memories to surface. But it's clear there's bright lights overhead, there's restraints, there's too many implements spread out over surfaces to be anything pleasant. Too many dark forms lurking on the edges of his vision while he fights, struggles.]
[Doing everything in his power to get away before they stick anything else in aching, abused muscles. He'd gotten away, he'd made it a few steps into the hall, he's sure, but then they dragged him in here. Fighting, yelling.]
[There's a lot of distress all right. And none of it intentional.]
[ Bright lights overhead, restraints, Sam's mind is open enough to Shiro's that he feels it as though it was his own, and for a moment the vagueness of it all nearly sends Sam into a panic. He can't be back there, he can't, was all of this a hallucination in the intermittent microsleep that was all Sam'd been able to manage in there, did he never get out-
No. Nightmare, this is a nightmare. Not his. It's Shiro's, and though it's too vague to be a flashback, when Sam's able to pull back enough, what he sees makes it pretty damn clear that this is something that's happened to him. Something that Shiro's now having nightmares about, and no wonder Shiro looks so damn tired all of the time.
Change the dream, Sam knows how to do this. He lets himself back into Shiro's mind, in control this time, his mental presence curling around Shiro same as he's done more times than he can count. The usual brush of feathers, only this time instead of wings wrapping around Shiro as though to shield him, they stand behind Shiro, ready to support him. To fill him with the strength he needs. I'm here, we can do this. ]
No. Nightmare, this is a nightmare. Not his. It's Shiro's, and though it's too vague to be a flashback, when Sam's able to pull back enough, what he sees makes it pretty damn clear that this is something that's happened to him. Something that Shiro's now having nightmares about, and no wonder Shiro looks so damn tired all of the time.
Change the dream, Sam knows how to do this. He lets himself back into Shiro's mind, in control this time, his mental presence curling around Shiro same as he's done more times than he can count. The usual brush of feathers, only this time instead of wings wrapping around Shiro as though to shield him, they stand behind Shiro, ready to support him. To fill him with the strength he needs. I'm here, we can do this. ]
[The scene is just playing on a loop. Over and over again. More and more aches, and old pains, sharp little stings, places where smaller scars were located hurting all over again. And it's not until the whole world starts to turn blurry, that the real panic sets in.]
[Don't put me under!]
[Everything shifts, and for a second, the figures are more human. The lights are white, instead of purple, and the air smells dry and familiar. He blinks, in the dream, and it's gone. He's back. Still fighting, struggling, and nothing is working.]
[Vaguely, one of the alien shapes turns. Strikes out at its fellows. And then...]
[Then there's someone that was never there. He doesn't remember this, except when he sleeps, but he knows. He knows that voice wasn't there.]
[Everything goes still.]
[... It's not Sam. Sam wasn't there. Is it...?]
[Don't put me under!]
[Everything shifts, and for a second, the figures are more human. The lights are white, instead of purple, and the air smells dry and familiar. He blinks, in the dream, and it's gone. He's back. Still fighting, struggling, and nothing is working.]
[Vaguely, one of the alien shapes turns. Strikes out at its fellows. And then...]
[Then there's someone that was never there. He doesn't remember this, except when he sleeps, but he knows. He knows that voice wasn't there.]
[Everything goes still.]
[... It's not Sam. Sam wasn't there. Is it...?]
[ The last thing they need is for their nightmares to feed off each other and bleed together, and Sam works hard to keep the balance of keeping his own shit out of Shiro's head without just cutting him off.
Works hard to keep his anger and fear to himself, to remind himself that this isn't happening, that the danger that Shiro was in is in the past and the panic that he's feeling is mostly Shiro's. That it won't do Shiro any good in the long run if Sam charges in there to rescue him when it's a dream.
He watches the alien shape strike out against those who had been tormenting Shiro, and he wonders - is this how it'd happened, or is Shiro already changing the dream, giving himself an ally to help him escape the nightmare? It doesn't matter. What matters is getting Shiro out of there, and Sam lets warmth spill over their connection, gentle and soothing. ]
( I'm here. Let's get you out of there, Shiro. )
Works hard to keep his anger and fear to himself, to remind himself that this isn't happening, that the danger that Shiro was in is in the past and the panic that he's feeling is mostly Shiro's. That it won't do Shiro any good in the long run if Sam charges in there to rescue him when it's a dream.
He watches the alien shape strike out against those who had been tormenting Shiro, and he wonders - is this how it'd happened, or is Shiro already changing the dream, giving himself an ally to help him escape the nightmare? It doesn't matter. What matters is getting Shiro out of there, and Sam lets warmth spill over their connection, gentle and soothing. ]
( I'm here. Let's get you out of there, Shiro. )
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