Yeah. [ He pulls his gaze from the shield, wincing at Sam. Even if he'd decided keeping this from them was the right thing to do, he hadn't been the only one in the chamber with Catheway. ]
She said your guy was here. [ A pause, shaking his head. ] Is here.
I saw him. [ He doesn't offer up the image of the man under the glass, but he thinks the meaning has to be clear enough for Sam. ]
[ Sam goes still at that, gaze snapping back to Steve. There might have been a moment when he thought that here meant here, as in new Host here, but for the way that Steve used past tense first. No, he's got to mean here as in among all those pods, where who knows how many sleeping Hosts rest.
Even if Sam hasn't deliberately thought about it, it'd been somewhere in the back of his mind. He and Clint took the same deal, Bucky took... some version of it, Sam doesn't know. He wondered if maybe they hadn't gone for Steve, too, gotten as many of them as they could. If he wasn't somewhere in there, waiting to be woken up.
If there wasn't some other version of him in there some where - the one from nova!Sam or Kate's world, maybe, or one from a world they didn't even know about. But there's a reason he hasn't thought too hard about this, and the fact that he doesn't know what to feel about it is a big part of it. What the hell is he supposed to feel here, what is he supposed to do with this?
His shields slip a little, some of that trickling out, and yet what he says is completely different. For the moment, he chooses to focus on the phrasing Steve used. ]
[ An exhale - relief or frustration or a burst of disbelief, mind to mind it can feel like all three. Steve hasn't had much time to unpack any of what Catheway showed him. Too late to kick himself for not waiting longer to come to Sam. ]
You know that's not what I mean. [ His tone is more firm now. He's not looking for validation as he sees it, pushing Sam's words aside to get back on course. Another shake of his head. ] He's had the serum. I don't know if that's what's keeping him around - I can show you where he is.
[ Where he's being kept. Steve doesn't know what else to offer, what else to say. ]
[ Yeah, well. It's what Sam means, and he might not know what he's feeling about this or what he’s gonna do with it, but he knows that.
But he takes the redirection without protest, mostly because of the last bit of what Steve says. Sam doesn’t answer right away, thinks about telling him no thanks - what's the point of going to see a man in a symbiote coma when there’s not a damn thing Sam can do to get him out of it, when it's not like he's even going to be able to tell if it's the one he knows anyway?
He can't, though. Now that he knows, it'll eat away at him if he doesn't go see him. And he doesn't want Steve to think that he shouldn't have told him, not when despite the uncertainty, Sam's grateful he did. He wouldn't have wanted to be kept in the dark. ]
[ His gaze hits the floor during the silence, only raising again when Sam finally gives his answer. He returns it with a slow nod. If it were another version of Bucky and Sam had found him, then Steve would've wanted to know. But it's like visiting someone in the hospital, knowing they've been hit hard and the even the nurses look grim.
(or, it would be, if the man didn't have his own face)
A pause, and his gaze trails to the shield where it's propped against the wall. ]
[ You gotta stop doing this to him, Steve. He's only just reconciled that not only is it confirmed that there's some version of Steve stuck sleeping the Station somewhere, but he's gonna poke the sore spot by going to see him when he doesn't even really know what's going on in his own head, and then Steve drops that on him.
His kneejerk response is what the hell and for a moment he probably looks it, but it passes quickly. There's a pause as he just looks at Steve, knowing this has got to be a hell of a mind fuck for him. But Steve's so closed off he can't quite figure out what's going on in his head, which means it's time to pull back a little and ask. ]
[ A really bad excuse, because it's not like Sam knows how to use it, either. He knows how to work with someone using it, sure, and he can toss it decently enough to get it back to its owner, but that isn't a point in his favor.
It's the second part that makes him freeze a little. He has no idea if Steve really understands what the shield represents, the kind of icon that Captain America is, the ideals it represents - the way those ideals are twisted, sometimes - what it would mean for someone else to carry it, what it would mean for Sam to carry it.
But even aside from all that, it's the trust part that gets him. He knows that the Steve back home trusts him, of course he does, and he likes to think that the Steve in front of him does, too - or at least is starting to. But hearing that, it means a lot. And it's stupid for it to mean a lot, given all the circumstances - given that he doesn't want the shield, that he knows damn well it belongs with Steve - but there it is. ]
[ He only knows what he's seen from their minds. The man with his crooked nose and a jaw straight from a film poster, the picture that comes to mind would be laughable if it weren't of that same guy lying in a glass coffin. ]
Don't know that it is. [ Stating a fact, plain and simple as he can manage. Different universe. This shield never would've belonged to him, not in his own world. ]
[ It's not a fact, though, and Sam can't let it go. He already suspects they've got a case of different universes here instead of different timelines, but the way Sam sees it, that doesn't change a thing. ]
It's yours, Steve. It's not about the serum, it's about you. It's about never backing down from a fight when you're standing up for what's right, about seeing injustice for what it is and not being willing to let it slide, about being a snarky ass who don't know when to quit.
[ His gaze, fixed on Sam, slides to where the shield remains propped up. Sam makes it all sound simple. He knows he shouldn't be ungrateful toward Sam, but he can't keep his misgivings from his expression, or from vibrating across the line. With a breath he pulls at that tension, setting it steadier again.
Something else to prove now, he figures.
Stepping toward the shield, Steve lifts it, pulling the straps around his arm. He'd leave it here, if only the motion feels a bit dramatic even for him, but he's not sure he'll be able to find this room again. ]
[ He can still feel the echo of that tension as he watches Steve move to pick it up. Sam's spent so much time trying to get the Steve he knew back home to share just a little bit of the weight of the world he's got on his shoulders; he'd never forgive himself if he was a part of putting more of it on his friend's shoulders here.
He reaches out over the mental link the way he's not sure Steve would want him to do physically, the sensation of a hand catching his and tugging - hey, stop a minute. ]
You know, the guy I knew back home... I always wished he'd think about himself a little more, and everyone else a little less. If this ain't something you want, man, that's different. Just don't let it be 'cause you think you're not gonna measure up to it; you already do. And you don't gotta be alone in it, whatever you decide.
[ His body stiffens at the mental touch, but he doesn't try to shrug it away, stops in his tracks before he gets started and goes silent again, frowning at the ground. ]
I know. I think this is one of those things I've gotta figure out for myself. [ There's finality to his words. Not out of pride or a need for self-flagellation (he would deny either, in any case). It's a fine line for him and Sam to walk - Sam telling Steve that he's both his own person and also the same as the man Sam met in another future.
The shield carries a war's worth of blood, on a battlefield he never stepped foot on. He doesn't measure up yet, but the decision's already been made that he has to try.
A glance at Sam, eyebrows knitting together. ] You know, I could show you where to go. [ Pass along the map if Sam needs to take some time before this visit. ]
Yeah, I get that. But - I'm here, man, you know? Anytime.
[ It's... complicated, to say the least, being with Steve here and remembering his best friend back home and knowing they're two different people when so much of them is the same. Things get blurred, of course they do, no matter how much Sam tries.
He's just gotta keep doing his best, and that's easier when he doesn't think too much about it.
Sam pauses at Steve’s question, taking a moment to consider it, then shakes his head. ]
Nah. I don't think taking more time's gonna do me any good, anyway. And I don't really know if I wanna be alone for it.
[ He means it, and will only offer the same back to Sam, with a wordless nod leading the way down the halls toward, that sense that they're heading down without ever seeing any steps.
It's not a place to be alone, not for the first visit.
The walls they pass start to flatten in color and lose all texture, darkening to a slate grey that seems to almost match the somber, quiet march. Their footsteps echo, finally reaching a triangular room - could be a twin of the Nesting Deck if not for the hexagonal compartments against the walls.
Steve stops here, eyeing them, expression slipping into distraction as he scans the room - ]
Here - [ He steps forward, and only someone that knows him well might catch the barest hint of hesitation in his gait, the way he stops in front of a compartment to place his hand on the cover. A handle appears underneath it, and he glances back at Sam, as if waiting for some confirmation. ]
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sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
no subject
She said your guy was here. [ A pause, shaking his head. ] Is here.
I saw him. [ He doesn't offer up the image of the man under the glass, but he thinks the meaning has to be clear enough for Sam. ]
no subject
Even if Sam hasn't deliberately thought about it, it'd been somewhere in the back of his mind. He and Clint took the same deal, Bucky took... some version of it, Sam doesn't know. He wondered if maybe they hadn't gone for Steve, too, gotten as many of them as they could. If he wasn't somewhere in there, waiting to be woken up.
If there wasn't some other version of him in there some where - the one from nova!Sam or Kate's world, maybe, or one from a world they didn't even know about. But there's a reason he hasn't thought too hard about this, and the fact that he doesn't know what to feel about it is a big part of it. What the hell is he supposed to feel here, what is he supposed to do with this?
His shields slip a little, some of that trickling out, and yet what he says is completely different. For the moment, he chooses to focus on the phrasing Steve used. ]
You say that like you're not my guy.
no subject
You know that's not what I mean. [ His tone is more firm now. He's not looking for validation as he sees it, pushing Sam's words aside to get back on course. Another shake of his head. ] He's had the serum. I don't know if that's what's keeping him around - I can show you where he is.
[ Where he's being kept. Steve doesn't know what else to offer, what else to say. ]
no subject
But he takes the redirection without protest, mostly because of the last bit of what Steve says. Sam doesn’t answer right away, thinks about telling him no thanks - what's the point of going to see a man in a symbiote coma when there’s not a damn thing Sam can do to get him out of it, when it's not like he's even going to be able to tell if it's the one he knows anyway?
He can't, though. Now that he knows, it'll eat away at him if he doesn't go see him. And he doesn't want Steve to think that he shouldn't have told him, not when despite the uncertainty, Sam's grateful he did. He wouldn't have wanted to be kept in the dark. ]
Yeah, okay. Wouldn't feel right not seeing him.
no subject
(or, it would be, if the man didn't have his own face)
A pause, and his gaze trails to the shield where it's propped against the wall. ]
You should have it.
no subject
His kneejerk response is what the hell and for a moment he probably looks it, but it passes quickly. There's a pause as he just looks at Steve, knowing this has got to be a hell of a mind fuck for him. But Steve's so closed off he can't quite figure out what's going on in his head, which means it's time to pull back a little and ask. ]
Why?
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No idea how to use it. [ It's a bad excuse and he knows it, hence the softened edge of almost-humor. He frowns, eyes scanning over Sam's face. ]
And he'd trust you to carry it. [ If nothing else, Steve knows that much. ]
no subject
It's the second part that makes him freeze a little. He has no idea if Steve really understands what the shield represents, the kind of icon that Captain America is, the ideals it represents - the way those ideals are twisted, sometimes - what it would mean for someone else to carry it, what it would mean for Sam to carry it.
But even aside from all that, it's the trust part that gets him. He knows that the Steve back home trusts him, of course he does, and he likes to think that the Steve in front of him does, too - or at least is starting to. But hearing that, it means a lot. And it's stupid for it to mean a lot, given all the circumstances - given that he doesn't want the shield, that he knows damn well it belongs with Steve - but there it is. ]
Shield's yours, man, why not you?
no subject
Don't know that it is. [ Stating a fact, plain and simple as he can manage. Different universe. This shield never would've belonged to him, not in his own world. ]
You use it before?
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[ It's not a fact, though, and Sam can't let it go. He already suspects they've got a case of different universes here instead of different timelines, but the way Sam sees it, that doesn't change a thing. ]
It's yours, Steve. It's not about the serum, it's about you. It's about never backing down from a fight when you're standing up for what's right, about seeing injustice for what it is and not being willing to let it slide, about being a snarky ass who don't know when to quit.
no subject
Something else to prove now, he figures.
Stepping toward the shield, Steve lifts it, pulling the straps around his arm. He'd leave it here, if only the motion feels a bit dramatic even for him, but he's not sure he'll be able to find this room again. ]
C'mon. [ They still have a guy to see. ]
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He reaches out over the mental link the way he's not sure Steve would want him to do physically, the sensation of a hand catching his and tugging - hey, stop a minute. ]
You know, the guy I knew back home... I always wished he'd think about himself a little more, and everyone else a little less. If this ain't something you want, man, that's different. Just don't let it be 'cause you think you're not gonna measure up to it; you already do. And you don't gotta be alone in it, whatever you decide.
no subject
I know. I think this is one of those things I've gotta figure out for myself. [ There's finality to his words. Not out of pride or a need for self-flagellation (he would deny either, in any case). It's a fine line for him and Sam to walk - Sam telling Steve that he's both his own person and also the same as the man Sam met in another future.
The shield carries a war's worth of blood, on a battlefield he never stepped foot on. He doesn't measure up yet, but the decision's already been made that he has to try.
A glance at Sam, eyebrows knitting together. ] You know, I could show you where to go. [ Pass along the map if Sam needs to take some time before this visit. ]
no subject
[ It's... complicated, to say the least, being with Steve here and remembering his best friend back home and knowing they're two different people when so much of them is the same. Things get blurred, of course they do, no matter how much Sam tries.
He's just gotta keep doing his best, and that's easier when he doesn't think too much about it.
Sam pauses at Steve’s question, taking a moment to consider it, then shakes his head. ]
Nah. I don't think taking more time's gonna do me any good, anyway. And I don't really know if I wanna be alone for it.
skipping forward a bit
[ He means it, and will only offer the same back to Sam, with a wordless nod leading the way down the halls toward, that sense that they're heading down without ever seeing any steps.
It's not a place to be alone, not for the first visit.
The walls they pass start to flatten in color and lose all texture, darkening to a slate grey that seems to almost match the somber, quiet march. Their footsteps echo, finally reaching a triangular room - could be a twin of the Nesting Deck if not for the hexagonal compartments against the walls.
Steve stops here, eyeing them, expression slipping into distraction as he scans the room - ]
Here - [ He steps forward, and only someone that knows him well might catch the barest hint of hesitation in his gait, the way he stops in front of a compartment to place his hand on the cover. A handle appears underneath it, and he glances back at Sam, as if waiting for some confirmation. ]