[There's a lot of regret in those three words. A lot of apology. He's started to be more aware of it, as time's gone on. He's tried to be, anyway.]
[And he's always going to worry about this. About them. About what they've become. And keeping it in one piece. Yeah, he knows it can't be perfect, they can't be perfect. Even so, it's almost a constant concern, on top of everything else.]
I'll listen. You know that, right? If you ever decide you need to. And...
[ He doesn't know how to reply to that. He knows Shiro will listen, it's just... he doesn't want Shiro to think differently of him, at the same time as he doesn't want Shiro to not think differently of him. The concern that it'll be dismissed, even if Shiro means well in treating it like it isn't a big deal - because it's a big deal to Sam. That makes its way across their connection in a jumbled up mess, but so is the acknowledgement that he will one day soon. He has to.
Sam focuses instead on Shiro's last comment, shaking his head as he cups Shiro's face in his hands, leaning in until they're only a few inches away. ]
I want us to be better at communicating during stuff like this, and I want you to remember that you got someone at your back and you don't have to figure any of this out alone. I want us to support each other, on mission and off. I don't want you to think you gotta be better to be with me, because you don't. All you gotta do is be here.
[And he probably would. Out of a desire to try and help. To try and make it seem like something less painful. Like how Sam made his problems, his broken brain, seem like something not as bad as it always has been. So maybe it's a good thing, for now.]
[But he has to offer. He cares too much not to. Loves too much not to.]
[He lets his head fall forward, to rest his head against Sam's.]
It's... like a new team, huh? Have to adjust to bonding to you. [That's a weak sort of joke. But under it is acceptance. That he's going to try. He's going to try harder. Because Sam deserves nothing less.]
[ For now, it’s a good thing. Until Sam can get a better handle on it himself, and figure out how to explain what it means to him and why - until he can reconcile having to explain it with not wanting to hide it from Shiro any more.
But for right now, all that matters is moving forward with the mission, and reminding them both that they’re here.
He grins a little at that joke, a hint of something sly and playful trickling across their mental link as he goes along with it. ]
I think we’re making pretty good progress on the bonding front.
[ He tips his head, just a little, to kiss him, soft and sweet. ]
[He'll take it. He'll move on, as long as Sam is okay with doing it. As long as there's an understanding, and an effort to try -- as long as Sam knows he's working on it. As long as he doesn't stand to lose someone else.]
[As long as Sam doesn't lose someone else.]
Good to hear. Because I... I think I really want to make things work. Long as we can.
[Oh, well that's. That's nice. And also reassuring, and he closes his eyes for a moment into it.]
[ Long as we can. There's something bittersweet there, about the reminder that all of this is temporary. That one day they'll find a way home - hell, Sam's been helping Katie look - and Shiro will go, because they need him. Because his sense of duty and his devotion to his team, to the people he's promised to protect, is stronger than anything else.
Somehow that always seems to be the kind of person that Sam's drawn to.
But it'd be too soon to think of anything like forever with them, anyway, and it's not like Sam didn't know that going into this. It's not like he wasn't already prepared to enjoy this as much as he could while they had it.
There's a part of him that's always aware that one day they'll have to say goodbye, but that doesn't make him want this any less right now.
Right now he leans in to kiss Shiro again, then laces their fingers together and tugs on his hand. ]
Come on, we got a mission to take care of. And I'm expecting some celebratory making out.
[He'll go. Because they need him. Because staying away feels like a disservice. Even if he's here for them, doing this for them. Because they're family. Just as much as...]
[... as much as Sam is.]
[And for a second, it all hurts almost too much to focus on. Taken from one family, given another, in a cycle he doesn't think he could possibly break. There's nothing to be done for it, is there? No way to keep this. Any more than there was a way to keep the team.]
[Any more than there was a way to keep his Commander and friend together, either.]
[He swallows, thickly, and when he returns the kiss a little more urgently than necessary. Like this is all going to be swept away again when they're least expecting it, when they're not looking. His hand gripping tighter.]
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sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
no subject
[There's a lot of regret in those three words. A lot of apology. He's started to be more aware of it, as time's gone on. He's tried to be, anyway.]
[And he's always going to worry about this. About them. About what they've become. And keeping it in one piece. Yeah, he knows it can't be perfect, they can't be perfect. Even so, it's almost a constant concern, on top of everything else.]
I'll listen. You know that, right? If you ever decide you need to. And...
I want to be better. I've always wanted that.
no subject
Sam focuses instead on Shiro's last comment, shaking his head as he cups Shiro's face in his hands, leaning in until they're only a few inches away. ]
I want us to be better at communicating during stuff like this, and I want you to remember that you got someone at your back and you don't have to figure any of this out alone. I want us to support each other, on mission and off. I don't want you to think you gotta be better to be with me, because you don't. All you gotta do is be here.
no subject
[But he has to offer. He cares too much not to. Loves too much not to.]
[He lets his head fall forward, to rest his head against Sam's.]
It's... like a new team, huh? Have to adjust to bonding to you. [That's a weak sort of joke. But under it is acceptance. That he's going to try. He's going to try harder. Because Sam deserves nothing less.]
We're a team. Of course I'm here.
no subject
But for right now, all that matters is moving forward with the mission, and reminding them both that they’re here.
He grins a little at that joke, a hint of something sly and playful trickling across their mental link as he goes along with it. ]
I think we’re making pretty good progress on the bonding front.
[ He tips his head, just a little, to kiss him, soft and sweet. ]
Then we got nothing to worry about.
no subject
[As long as Sam doesn't lose someone else.]
Good to hear. Because I... I think I really want to make things work. Long as we can.
[Oh, well that's. That's nice. And also reassuring, and he closes his eyes for a moment into it.]
All right then.
no subject
Somehow that always seems to be the kind of person that Sam's drawn to.
But it'd be too soon to think of anything like forever with them, anyway, and it's not like Sam didn't know that going into this. It's not like he wasn't already prepared to enjoy this as much as he could while they had it.
There's a part of him that's always aware that one day they'll have to say goodbye, but that doesn't make him want this any less right now.
Right now he leans in to kiss Shiro again, then laces their fingers together and tugs on his hand. ]
Come on, we got a mission to take care of. And I'm expecting some celebratory making out.
no subject
[... as much as Sam is.]
[And for a second, it all hurts almost too much to focus on. Taken from one family, given another, in a cycle he doesn't think he could possibly break. There's nothing to be done for it, is there? No way to keep this. Any more than there was a way to keep the team.]
[Any more than there was a way to keep his Commander and friend together, either.]
[He swallows, thickly, and when he returns the kiss a little more urgently than necessary. Like this is all going to be swept away again when they're least expecting it, when they're not looking. His hand gripping tighter.]
Yeah. We do.
[Don't they?]