[ It'll probably always be there. That kind of fear is something that sticks with you, and the best you can do is be able to accept that it's not true, and remind yourself of that whenever it comes cropping up again. ]
(I know what it's like, to look in the mirror and see only the worst thing you could ever be.)
[ To compare yourself to the person you used to be and the one you think you should and find yourself coming up wanting, yeah, he knows that. And there's nothing he or anyone else can do about that, not really - it's gotta come from within Elena herself.
All he can do is slide into the cot next to her, slide his arm around her shoulders and pull her in close. All he can do is care about her, and keep being there when she finds herself doubting herself. It helps, that she doesn't hesitate, that he's able to just be like this with her.
He'd answer anything she asked, too. ]
(If all of that was gone, if there was nothing else but you and Damon, what would you want to do?)
[ Maybe one day she'll talk with him about that. Ask him how he dealt with it, how she can try to move past that fear enough that it won't have such a vice-like grip on her soul. But that's for later, because right now she moves into that embrace and finds comfort in it while his question threatens to shred her heart into pieces. ]
(I... If I was still human, I don't know what I would want.)
[ It makes a difference, regardless of whether any of them like it. Her future was different as a human, her options in life were different, the way people thought of her... Those tears come back to blur her vision, burning hot as they escape down her cheeks, and she can't hide anything from him. ]
(But I'm not human anymore, and I-- I want to be with him. Because I know Stefan won't love me like this, he'll want to change me, and Damon doesn't. He accepts me and-- and I--)
[ She can't say it. Can't admit it to Sam or herself yet, but deep down she knows. Knows that it's there, that Sam can feel it as it permeates the churning ocean of her thoughts, that single emotion coloring absolutely everything in her. Whether it's the right choice or not doesn't matter. It is and there's no going back from it. ]
[ He'll tell her, one day - more than one day, because it's not the kind of thing that's a one and done, but that's for later.
For now his arm tightens around her, shifting a little so he can settle her more against him - so his shoulder or chest is readily available to cry into, if she wants. He's not afraid of a little tears.
It does make a difference. There've been so many futures that Sam saw for himself, bright and promising or bleak and distant, every one of them lost when his circumstances changed irrevocably. When he stopped being the man who looked forward to them.
It makes a difference, but it's also nothing that they can change. Elena says it better than he could; she's not human anymore. ]
(You don't gotta say it if you're not ready. I know.) [ Oh, he sure as hell knows. He'd felt it from damn near the first day he met her, and he feels it now stronger than ever. Not mention he's pretty sure he'd know anyway, considering the way they act around each other.
It's a simple fact of life; the sun rises and sets, the stars gleam at night, flowers bloom in spring, and Elena loves Damon. ]
(Elena, you deserve to have someone who's gonna love you for who you are right now, because I gotta tell you - who you are is pretty damn amazing. You both deserve to get something you want, to finally be happy.)
[ Who you are is pretty damn amazing. Sam's words are crushingly heavy, settling on her with enough weight to shatter. But it's not her that they're breaking, but the pain that's built up around her heart and started sinking into her soul. Cracks are forming in that wall of suffering and it's such blessed relief that she can't do anything except wrap her hands in his shirt and hide her face against his shoulder.
If they weren't surrounded by their sleeping Nestmates, if she didn't have to worry about certain people noticing, she would let go and give in to the need for a good cleansing cry. As it is, she holds back, tears leaking out but none of the gasping sobs she knows wait just below the surface. Those will come later. ]
(What if he doesn't agree? Sam, what if he doesn't want this?)
[ Damon never lets himself be happy. He fights the good things in his life, sabotages everything that seems to be working in his favor. What if he decides for himself that this isn't a good idea and doesn't listen to anyone who argues against that decision? ]
[ Sam strokes his hand through her hair, just letting her cry. It's not quite the good, long, hard cry that he kind of figures she needs, but it's something. And Sam meant it, he meant all of it. Elena is amazing, just as she is.
Anyone who can't see that is an idiot.
He wishes he could say that won't happen - but no, that sounds exactly like Damon. Not him not wanting it, of course, but that he doesn't deserve to be happy. Hell, even that he doesn't know what to do with it when he gets it, that he sabotages it. ]
(Then we bug the hell out of him until we can knock some sense into him. We both know he loves you, and I know he wants this - and he's got two people who're willing to fight for his happiness. Even if that means we gotta fight him about it, sometimes.)
[ Reaching up to wipe at her eyes, Elena settles a little more comfortably so she's able to look at Sam through the darkness. He may not be able to see her expression to see the proof of it there, but he'll be able to feel the surge of affection through their link. Affection for him. ]
(Sometimes I used to feel like I was the only one who would fight for it. I'm so glad he has you here, Sam.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
no subject
( I know what it's like, to look in the mirror and see only the worst thing you could ever be. )
[ To compare yourself to the person you used to be and the one you think you should and find yourself coming up wanting, yeah, he knows that. And there's nothing he or anyone else can do about that, not really - it's gotta come from within Elena herself.
All he can do is slide into the cot next to her, slide his arm around her shoulders and pull her in close. All he can do is care about her, and keep being there when she finds herself doubting herself. It helps, that she doesn't hesitate, that he's able to just be like this with her.
He'd answer anything she asked, too. ]
( If all of that was gone, if there was nothing else but you and Damon, what would you want to do? )
no subject
( I... If I was still human, I don't know what I would want. )
[ It makes a difference, regardless of whether any of them like it. Her future was different as a human, her options in life were different, the way people thought of her... Those tears come back to blur her vision, burning hot as they escape down her cheeks, and she can't hide anything from him. ]
( But I'm not human anymore, and I-- I want to be with him. Because I know Stefan won't love me like this, he'll want to change me, and Damon doesn't. He accepts me and-- and I-- )
[ She can't say it. Can't admit it to Sam or herself yet, but deep down she knows. Knows that it's there, that Sam can feel it as it permeates the churning ocean of her thoughts, that single emotion coloring absolutely everything in her. Whether it's the right choice or not doesn't matter. It is and there's no going back from it. ]
no subject
For now his arm tightens around her, shifting a little so he can settle her more against him - so his shoulder or chest is readily available to cry into, if she wants. He's not afraid of a little tears.
It does make a difference. There've been so many futures that Sam saw for himself, bright and promising or bleak and distant, every one of them lost when his circumstances changed irrevocably. When he stopped being the man who looked forward to them.
It makes a difference, but it's also nothing that they can change. Elena says it better than he could; she's not human anymore. ]
( You don't gotta say it if you're not ready. I know. ) [ Oh, he sure as hell knows. He'd felt it from damn near the first day he met her, and he feels it now stronger than ever. Not mention he's pretty sure he'd know anyway, considering the way they act around each other.
It's a simple fact of life; the sun rises and sets, the stars gleam at night, flowers bloom in spring, and Elena loves Damon. ]
( Elena, you deserve to have someone who's gonna love you for who you are right now, because I gotta tell you - who you are is pretty damn amazing. You both deserve to get something you want, to finally be happy. )
no subject
If they weren't surrounded by their sleeping Nestmates, if she didn't have to worry about certain people noticing, she would let go and give in to the need for a good cleansing cry. As it is, she holds back, tears leaking out but none of the gasping sobs she knows wait just below the surface. Those will come later. ]
( What if he doesn't agree? Sam, what if he doesn't want this? )
[ Damon never lets himself be happy. He fights the good things in his life, sabotages everything that seems to be working in his favor. What if he decides for himself that this isn't a good idea and doesn't listen to anyone who argues against that decision? ]
no subject
Anyone who can't see that is an idiot.
He wishes he could say that won't happen - but no, that sounds exactly like Damon. Not him not wanting it, of course, but that he doesn't deserve to be happy. Hell, even that he doesn't know what to do with it when he gets it, that he sabotages it. ]
( Then we bug the hell out of him until we can knock some sense into him. We both know he loves you, and I know he wants this - and he's got two people who're willing to fight for his happiness. Even if that means we gotta fight him about it, sometimes. )
no subject
( Sometimes I used to feel like I was the only one who would fight for it. I'm so glad he has you here, Sam. )