[Bucky's half-leaning against the cot before his knees buckle the rest of the way down and he's left sitting on the floor, sweating for some reason he can't figure out. He feels terrible all over, despite finally being able to put words to the gut-deep feelings he's been carrying around since the Waypoint. His breathing comes in slow, labored heaves of his lungs. Must be the after effects of the poison and he's far too riled up for his own good. He thinks he might pass out if he tries standing again, so he doesn't.
He wants to tell Sam that he doesn't understand that they might never be rid of the Soldier, but Sam knows that. Or that he might not ever be a whole person again, but Sam knows that too. Sam knows almost everything there is to know about him and still chooses Bucky.
Against all reason. Sam chooses Bucky.]
You don't know that. [That things won't change, that the programming might not warp something amazing into the death of the both of them.]
[ Always. Bucky'd promised him that before, and Sam feels the same way - always, he'll always choose Bucky.
Tracking him down, stopping the Soldier, strengthening their brood bond, fighting the programming - seeking his opinions, needing his support, wanting to be with him, loving him. Bucky knows who he is, everything that comes with him, even the sharper edges and the darker shit that leads to pettiness and anger and resentment and violence.
Does he know for sure that using the words is gonna work, that it'll put them a step ahead of the programming and give them more solid ground to stand on? No, of course not, and he doesn't try to hide that from Bucky.
But he has faith in them. They've never been defeated by the programming, not really. Temporarily had to retreat and come back at a different angle, sure, but they always come out stronger. He knows that Bucky's probably always gonna have some reasons that he thinks he should go, but they'll have a hell of a lot more reasons that he needs to stay.
He slides down to sit on the floor next to Bucky, a solid line of warmth pressed against him. ]
I know you just said that you love me, and I'm pretty sure what that means speaks for itself. [ Sam leans in to kiss him, sweet and soft that ends in a desperate intensity and a hint of teeth before he pulls back. ] I love you, Bucky. There's nothing stronger than the two of us together.
[Nothing about this is a sure thing. Not the words. Not their decision to leave Hyrypia. Except- Except Sam. Sam is the only sure thing in Bucky's life. Sam will come back after everything, after Bucky runs or eats poisonous moss or whatever the programming has cooking for them. He can feel a similar sentiment over the broodlink: Sam's faith in them and in what they have.
When Sam slides down next to him, Bucky shifts to lean against him and, when Sam presses his lips against his, meets them, albeit without the extra note of intensity. He's exhausted. Emotions are not his forte and the lingering weakness of the poison has yet to leave his system.
He just doesn't have that same level of confidence in himself, in the shaky construction of himself that gets torn to pieces every time the Soldier comes to life. One day, he might simply not come back.
But Sam loves him all the same.
He gingerly reaches up to run his hand along Sam's jaw. Yeah. He knows. He knows and no amount of shouting and kicking will change that.]
[ It's life. Nothing's ever gonna be a sure thing, not really, but this? What they've got right now, it's probably one of the closest things they're gonna get to it.
Sam believes in Bucky. In his ability to not just survive, but thrive, and to keep coming back. And if one day he doesn't, well.
It's just more reason to love him as much as he can right now, to enjoy every moment they've got left. It's not an unfamiliar concept for Sam, considering he knows Shiro is going back to his planet one day, but that - that's more immediate, more inevitable.
They can fight the programming. Bucky's stronger every day, and Sam knows it's gonna take years and years, but he wants to be there for the ride. Every last minute of it, so neither of them ever has to do this alone.
He smiles a little at Bucky's hand on his jaw, tilting his head into the touch. ]
You said it. [ He opens his mind again, another gentle tug on their brood bond. ] (Come back?)
[Never in a million years would Bucky expect to be sitting here, sharing a mindspace with Sam Wilson, in love- he would've thought it entirely impossible. A weapon isn't capable of such things and, hell, even as Bucky he wasn't capable of such things a year and a half, two years ago.
But here he is. Here they are: an experiment somehow gone right on a strange, alien world with parasites in their brains.
Yet, Bucky doesn't want to change any of it, doesn't want them to be separated, if at all possible. So they will stay together in the conclusion to this mission. Makes sense.
He treads carefully back into Sam's head, bringing brushes of pine and cedar instead of cold acid. Sam always seems to remind him that there's more to want, there's more to him.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
no subject
He wants to tell Sam that he doesn't understand that they might never be rid of the Soldier, but Sam knows that. Or that he might not ever be a whole person again, but Sam knows that too. Sam knows almost everything there is to know about him and still chooses Bucky.
Against all reason. Sam chooses Bucky.]
You don't know that. [That things won't change, that the programming might not warp something amazing into the death of the both of them.]
no subject
Tracking him down, stopping the Soldier, strengthening their brood bond, fighting the programming - seeking his opinions, needing his support, wanting to be with him, loving him. Bucky knows who he is, everything that comes with him, even the sharper edges and the darker shit that leads to pettiness and anger and resentment and violence.
Does he know for sure that using the words is gonna work, that it'll put them a step ahead of the programming and give them more solid ground to stand on? No, of course not, and he doesn't try to hide that from Bucky.
But he has faith in them. They've never been defeated by the programming, not really. Temporarily had to retreat and come back at a different angle, sure, but they always come out stronger. He knows that Bucky's probably always gonna have some reasons that he thinks he should go, but they'll have a hell of a lot more reasons that he needs to stay.
He slides down to sit on the floor next to Bucky, a solid line of warmth pressed against him. ]
I know you just said that you love me, and I'm pretty sure what that means speaks for itself. [ Sam leans in to kiss him, sweet and soft that ends in a desperate intensity and a hint of teeth before he pulls back. ] I love you, Bucky. There's nothing stronger than the two of us together.
no subject
When Sam slides down next to him, Bucky shifts to lean against him and, when Sam presses his lips against his, meets them, albeit without the extra note of intensity. He's exhausted. Emotions are not his forte and the lingering weakness of the poison has yet to leave his system.
He just doesn't have that same level of confidence in himself, in the shaky construction of himself that gets torn to pieces every time the Soldier comes to life. One day, he might simply not come back.
But Sam loves him all the same.
He gingerly reaches up to run his hand along Sam's jaw. Yeah. He knows. He knows and no amount of shouting and kicking will change that.]
no subject
Sam believes in Bucky. In his ability to not just survive, but thrive, and to keep coming back. And if one day he doesn't, well.
It's just more reason to love him as much as he can right now, to enjoy every moment they've got left. It's not an unfamiliar concept for Sam, considering he knows Shiro is going back to his planet one day, but that - that's more immediate, more inevitable.
They can fight the programming. Bucky's stronger every day, and Sam knows it's gonna take years and years, but he wants to be there for the ride. Every last minute of it, so neither of them ever has to do this alone.
He smiles a little at Bucky's hand on his jaw, tilting his head into the touch. ]
You said it. [ He opens his mind again, another gentle tug on their brood bond. ] ( Come back? )
no subject
But here he is. Here they are: an experiment somehow gone right on a strange, alien world with parasites in their brains.
Yet, Bucky doesn't want to change any of it, doesn't want them to be separated, if at all possible. So they will stay together in the conclusion to this mission. Makes sense.
He treads carefully back into Sam's head, bringing brushes of pine and cedar instead of cold acid. Sam always seems to remind him that there's more to want, there's more to him.]