( that it isn't something sam should have seen should go without saying. it's one of those useless things people say when they can't figure out what else to say, when they don't know what to do with the thing they've just been confronted with so they say the first, obvious thing that comes into their head. of course sam shouldn't have seen it, no one should have. damon's kept all that locked up for fifty years for a reason, and sam just stole it out of his head within seconds with no effort at all. it'd be very easy to be angry at him for it. to threaten him and hurt him and extract promises that he'll never talk about it again.
but being in sam's head has given him a little insight into the man, and damon knows already — threats aren't necessary. sam wouldn't talk about it with anyone even without damon insisting on it. he wouldn't even bring it up to damon if damon didn't do it first. he's one of those annoying conscientious, righteous people who care about things like the sanctity of one's mind and choice. usually it would bother damon, but when it's working in his favour, he can't exactly be mad about it. )
It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter now.
( maybe if damon says it enough, he'll believe it himself. sam's breathing technique has calmed him, by now, his pulse steady but slow, just like always, but he can still feel the terror that rocketed through him when he remembered whitmore's voice. )
Do we have to keep going or are we done?
( if necessary, he can hold it back, now. he knows where those memories sit, he can keep them to himself. if sam wants to keep going, damon will. this is important enough, he's invested enough in looking like he's fine, that he'll grit his teeth and jump back in.
[ It'll always matter. No matter how long ago it might have been, no matter how much it's shoved down and all but forgotten, it'll always matter.
He doesn't say that, but he's still connected enough with Damon that he doesn't have to for it to make it across. Or for the understanding that Sam's not going to push anyway, because just because it still matters and it'll have to be dealt with sometime doesn't mean that some time is now. There's a snippet of memory that bleeds through, the rush of a punch and the crunch of a broken nose under Sam's fist, the feeling that someone asked something they shouldn't have, pushed for something Sam wasn't ready to talk about. ]
We don't gotta keep going.
[ He won't say we're done, because they're not. Maybe they're not breathing in sync any more, but his connection with Damon is undeniably stronger than it'd been before they were in each other's heads. Sam knew that going in, though maybe not to this extent, and he could still pull away now if he wanted to, probably, but he doesn't. ]
I know what it feels like, dissociating like that. There's a reason I knew those tricks to try to bring me back, you know? You don't gotta talk to me about anything, but if you wanna practice them, I'll be here. Turns out they're pretty good at helping with all this shit.
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sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
no subject
but being in sam's head has given him a little insight into the man, and damon knows already — threats aren't necessary. sam wouldn't talk about it with anyone even without damon insisting on it. he wouldn't even bring it up to damon if damon didn't do it first. he's one of those annoying conscientious, righteous people who care about things like the sanctity of one's mind and choice. usually it would bother damon, but when it's working in his favour, he can't exactly be mad about it. )
It was a long time ago. It doesn't matter now.
( maybe if damon says it enough, he'll believe it himself. sam's breathing technique has calmed him, by now, his pulse steady but slow, just like always, but he can still feel the terror that rocketed through him when he remembered whitmore's voice. )
Do we have to keep going or are we done?
( if necessary, he can hold it back, now. he knows where those memories sit, he can keep them to himself. if sam wants to keep going, damon will. this is important enough, he's invested enough in looking like he's fine, that he'll grit his teeth and jump back in.
he kind of hopes sam doesn't make him, though. )
no subject
He doesn't say that, but he's still connected enough with Damon that he doesn't have to for it to make it across. Or for the understanding that Sam's not going to push anyway, because just because it still matters and it'll have to be dealt with sometime doesn't mean that some time is now. There's a snippet of memory that bleeds through, the rush of a punch and the crunch of a broken nose under Sam's fist, the feeling that someone asked something they shouldn't have, pushed for something Sam wasn't ready to talk about. ]
We don't gotta keep going.
[ He won't say we're done, because they're not. Maybe they're not breathing in sync any more, but his connection with Damon is undeniably stronger than it'd been before they were in each other's heads. Sam knew that going in, though maybe not to this extent, and he could still pull away now if he wanted to, probably, but he doesn't. ]
I know what it feels like, dissociating like that. There's a reason I knew those tricks to try to bring me back, you know? You don't gotta talk to me about anything, but if you wanna practice them, I'll be here. Turns out they're pretty good at helping with all this shit.