[ It's almost a relief, their joint concern. Maybe he doesn't know this Steve as well as he'd like and maybe Steve doesn't know him - hell, maybe he's not even interested in knowing him - but this mutual sense of concern over Bucky Barnes, yeah, that's familiar. ]
(I don't think so. I mean - I spent two years looking for him, but he was a ghost. It's just, he's a soldier, and so am I. The world's not always kind to soldiers coming back, and he deserves better.)
[ He's not sure why he feels like he has to explain his decision to put so much effort into a man he barely knows. Sam's never really given a shit about explaining it before, but... well, it's always been between him and Steve and Barnes, he guesses, except now it isn't. Barnes is still Steve's best friend, and if Steve's asking about the future, he deserves to know. ]
(But there wasn't a lot of time for talking, once we found each other. I'm not sure how much he remembered or if he ever blanked out like this and just didn't tell me. I just know he had my back in a fight and if I gave him sass, he gave it back.)
[ The war is still what it was before he showed up at the Station. Knowing that it ends a couple of years later offers relief that comes darkened with a larger picture of the future, where the war keeps on meaning something different to each generation, where the world keeps on letting certain people fall through the cracks.
His thoughts are muddled for a moment, heavy with consideration. ]
(Sounds like Buck.)
[ The last part.
And - it's not just Bucky that deserves better. ]
(I wanna hear more about it - how we all met, from the start. If that's alright.)
[ Because maybe he can't exactly be the friend that Sam knows, but that's no excuse to keep on treating him like a stranger. The fact is, they never could be strangers. ]
[ The corner of Sam's lips twitch upwards in a small hint of a smile at that first bit. Yeah, he kind of thought it did - Sam might not have known Barnes that well, might still not know him that well, but it was times like those that he thought he might've been seeing a glimpse of the guy Steve'd liked.
Hell, maybe even a guy Sam might like. Maybe.
He straightens up a little when Steve asks him more about the future. Sam hadn't been sure how much Steve wanted to know, let alone from some random guy who couldn't keep himself from acting a little too familiar with him. Sam kind of feels like he should be worrying about some kind of time continuum thing or some shit, but-
Well, it's not like that's already been pretty much shot to hell, if it does exist, and it's not really in him to withold something like this from Steve. ]
(Yeah, hell yeah, man, of course it's alright. Whatever you wanna know, it's yours. You want me to tell you like this, or you wanna talk face to face?)
[ He lets out a breath, more like a short laugh. His hand lifts to rub at the back of his neck. ] (Feels like the kinda thing we oughta have a drink for.)
[ Face to face, definitely. But the local bar's not exactly going to work, so - ]
(Meet you on the roof in thirty?) [ He's got to go pick something up first. ]
[ He huffs out a similar sound, mouth turning up in a real smile as he shakes his head. ]
(I hear that. I'll be there, see you in a bit.)
[ He gets to the roof early, but it's not exactly like that's a weird place for him to hang out. There’s a comfort in being up so high, and he leans against the railing as he waits, enjoying the brush of wind even if it's not the same with his feet planted on the ground. ]
[ The elevator opens up to the gardens with a minute to spare. He'd spent his time ducking down to the corner store to grab what he's got tucked under his arm: a six pack of green glass bottles, still cool from the fridge. ]
Evening. [ He calls out when he's close enough, making his way over to the railing with a brisk step to set the drinks down on the nearby bench. He nods at them - ] It's not the good stuff, but it does the job.
[ The Concordian equivalent of beer doesn't look or taste much different from what he knows back home. His mouth forms a line, then he tilts his head, looking down at the bottle caps. ]
[ Sam straightens up a little when he hears Steve call out, shooting him a pleased smile when he spots the pack of beer. ] I've probably had worse, man, good enough for me.
[ He pauses, for just a moment, then runs a hand over his jaw. ]
So this is awkward. [ It's blunt, yeah, but he softens it with another smile and a soft huff. ] Figured someone might as well say it, since we're probably both feeling it. Look, I know I don't-
[ He cuts himself off before he can say something stupid like mean anything to you, because hell no Sam isn't here to make Steve feel guilty for anything, and he knows how to get what he's trying to say across better than that. Long as he can keep his thoughts in check. ]
I just, uh. Want you to know I'm not going into this expecting anything.
[ Blunt's appreciated. He lets out a soft huff of his own, chin dipping down when Sam states the obvious. Yeah, this is awkward. No denying it. But when Sam continues - he looks up, frowns again.
Sometimes Steve gets so wrapped up in the kooky notion that he's got to live up to some future-alternate super version of himself that he keeps forgetting it's a little different for Sam. Sam's missing a friend that's right in front of him.
His expression softens a bit, giving a half shake of his head. ]
Sam - it's not my first first date. [ Those softened features turn a bit wry. It's what he'd do with Bucky, deflect with humor. Talking about serious mutual issues isn't a thing that they do, not in so many words. A pause, and he reaches for one of the beers, concentrating for a moment as a layer of silver covers his skin. Uses that same armored thumb to pop the cap off, handing the bottle over a moment later. ] You got your party trick figured out yet?
[ His first question isn't the most relevant, but they'll get there. ]
[ If there's one thing Sam's usually pretty decent at it's making his opinion known, and pointing out the shit that other people might skirt around. Least when it comes to stuff like this, and he smiles a little when Steve seems to take it okay.
Until Steve’s frowning up at him, and then Sam's back to being concerned he let something slip. He’s gotten better at keeping his emotions under wraps since they first met, but, well. Shit happens.
And then Steve says that, and Sam can't help but laugh. Hell yeah, he'll go along with breaking the tension up with humor. ]
Damn, and here I was feeling special. [ His eyebrows raise as he accepts the open bottle, impressed, even if his tone turns teasing. ] You show party tricks that good to all your first dates?
[ He takes a drink from the bottle, grinning a little. ] Starting to, anyway. You get injured at all in all that back there?
[ He could just tell Steve, yeah, but the way Steve'd said party trick kind of makes him want to show off a little. ...all right, a lot of things kind of make Sam want to show off a little, but that's beside the point. ]
i totally spaced that his face was busted from his fight sgfh gonna ~handwave~ what day this is.....
Well, I've never had all that much to show before. [ He's gives a lopsided grin again when Sam laughs, picking up the banter as easily as anything. His chest warms a bit, but to the question he gives a half tilt of his head, expression sobering as his voice tries to keep up some of the levity. He figures the answer will explain something about Sam's 'party trick'. ]
Bumped my head in the blast. [ That's an understatement. He rubs at the back of it. ] Managed to hit the same spot this morning in the kitchen. [ Right into the counter when he was grabbing something from underneath. ] Wish I had that sorta aim when I was working on my batting average.
Edited 2016-09-09 01:16 (UTC)
OOPS I should have checked, we can just handwave that Sam asked "anything else get injured?"
Nah, I don't believe that for a second. [ It's light and keeping in tone with the banter, smile easy, but there's a sincerity in his eyes that shows he means it.
He nods at Steve's response, letting out a low chuckle and holding his hand out in an invitation for a hand shake. ]
There's never any better aim than when you're jostling an injury, man. Okay if I take care of that for you?
[ Showing off kind of loses its element of surprise when he telegraphs what he's going to do, but he doesn't want to just go grabbing at Steve without his permission. ]
[ This is a guy that doesn't exactly know how to take a compliment - he gives Sam a wry look that says yeah yeah, changing the subject now. An eyebrow raises, cocking his head at the hand Sam's extended his way. ]
Wouldn't say no to some aspirin. [ A beat, curiosity coloring his features as he reaches over for that handshake. ]
[ Don't think that Sam hasn't notice that, man. He raises one eyebrow at that look, but holds back on commenting on it. Now's not the time. ]
Oh, I can do a little better than that.
[ He takes Steve's hand, grip firm and friendly, and once again does his best to focus on the way it feels when his symbiote ability activates. If he figures out how it works, then maybe he can figure out how to keep it from happening every damn time he touches someone. There's a pulse of warmth before the soft sting of pain as new injuries appear on him where they've healed up on Steve. ]
Just haven't gotten a handle on controlling it yet.
[ Despite the new injuries, Sam can't help but give a little pleased grin at Steve's reaction. It's not a bad ability, really, if he could get a better handle on it.
But he makes a bit of a face, taking another drink before he responds. ]
Happens whether I want it to or not, whenever I touch someone who's injured or tired.
No off switch? [ That's got to be kind of rough with this group. His head cants to one side, holding the bottle between both hands now. ] Could be that it works a bit like the brain stuff.
[ Always connected, and you need to consciously shield yourself to keep from bleeding into the people near you. ]
[ Sam considers that, tilting his head a little to eye his hands speculatively. ] Could be. Nothing I use to block out all the brain stuff's worked so far, but I think I need to get a feel for how it works before I can figure out how to shield it, you know? How'd you get yours sorted out?
[ As soon as it's out of his mouth, though, Sam makes a little face at himself. ]
[ He opens his mouth to answer that question, then closes it again, giving a half shake of his head and a shrug. ]
I came to talk, so - [ You can't say this isn't talking. And it doesn't bother him - doesn't feel like either of them are trying to tactfully (or otherwise) avoid the original topic, the conversation just shifted naturally on its own. Turns out they've got a similar sense of humor.
He lets his gaze travel to the city skyline over the railing, a faint crease forming again at his brow. Before Steve had said that he wanted to take it from the top, the start of the story - ] What would you be doing right now if the Nest hadn't picked you up?
Now that's where you went wrong, man, I could talk at you all day if you let me.
[ Sam still isn't trying to avoid any subject, it's just - well, he could. Sam rarely has trouble talking with anyone, but things are easy with Steve. There's something about that knowledge that makes his chest untwist a little. It's still awkward, sure, but it's - it's stupid, but talking to Steve feels good.
He lets out a breath when Steve asks that, quiet for a moment, but he doesn't consider saying anything but the truth. ]
I don't know. Things were a little... chaotic, we hadn't really had a chance to sit down and figure anything out before I got picked up. So I guess that, trying to protect everyone and figure out where we were gonna go from there.
[ Another light huff before he sobers again, glancing over at Sam to study his features for a second before looking away again, frown returning. ]
Sounds like you all got put in a tough spot. [ Steve holds some responsibility whether or not he's technically the one that led them into whatever mess they'd escaped from, but his expression reads more pensive than guilty. Blaming himself right off the bat for something that the rest of them went through isn't going to make anyone more willing to talk to him. His gaze drops to the bottle between his hands, thumbnail picking at the label. ]
From the way you were talking to Buck back at that hole we were living in - I kinda figured you'd been with him longer. [ From the way Sam handled the situation it seemed like he knew what he was doing, knew what to say to get Bucky to calm down. Maybe some of that had to do with the broodmate deal, but more likely Steve thinks that what he mistook for Sam's knowledge of Bucky's problems through a longer history with his friend was more a natural strength of Sam's, or earned through some other experience. ]
I signed up for it. Our country - there's a lot of stuff it does really right, and a lot of stuff it does really wrong. Sometimes the people in charge and I disagree on what falls into what category.
[ It's soft but matter-of-fact, and his expression is more pensive than anything else as well. There's a part of him that's angry about the way the Accords went down, about the kind of people they gave authority over it, about the Raft's existence and the way its prisoners were treated, about a hundred or so other things. But he wouldn't have served in the Air Force, worked at the VA, or become the Falcon if he didn't believe in fighting for change, for what was right.
It's a complicated jumble of emotions, really, and he does his best to keep it from trickling through as he takes another drink from the bottle.
Barnes is easier, even if he definitely causes complicated emotions in a different way, enough that Sam gives a little chuckle. ]
I first ran into him over two years ago, been looking for him on and off since, but nah, I haven't known him that long. But he's a soldier, and so am I. I worked at the VA for a few years - the Department of Veterans Affairs, I think it was still the Veterans Administration in your day. I did peer support, ran some support groups.
[ One side of his mouth quirks upward, chin ducking down as he tips his head to one side. If it wasn't already obvious to Steve by now why they get along so well - ]
So you stand your ground.
[ On a much bigger scale than chumps getting disrespectful at the pictures. There's a lot to admire in a guy like Sam.
When the topic changes to Bucky and services, Steve nods. ] My father served - guess you already knew that.
[ It was his mother that dealt with the VA when she was alive. Steve's known plenty of vets from the Great War, but support of any kind wasn't something folks liked talking about unless they'd had one too many drinks in them. ]
Chasing after Bucky and superheroing must've become a full time job.
[ Sam doesn't have to ask to figure that Steve knows a little something about standing your ground - hell, even if he didn't know already, he'd guess just based on that response. He shoots him a smile, tilting his head in understanding. ]
If you don't, who else will?
[ Maybe a lot of people, really, but Sam's never been the kind of guy to sit back and do nothing. There's always been something to fight for, one way or another, whether the battlefield was the streets in Harlem or the skies in Afghanistan or his own mind and the minds other veterans - or the whole damn world, after joining the Avengers. Sometimes he thinks it should make him exhausted, and some days it does, but mostly he's made peace with that. ]
Don't know much about it, but yeah, I remember that. Things are different back where I'm from, but not as much as they should be. [ He lets out an exhale, quirking a slightly wry smile. ] I kept up working at the VA for a while, just chasing leads on Barnes, but eventually, yeah. I still go to groups, do guest speaking some times. Or I did, anyway.
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sizeofyourbaggage) wrote2016-05-22 03:26 pm
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Sam runs his hand over his jaw, pulling in a deep breath and letting it out. ]
( That's twice it's happened around violence. Not exactly a pattern yet, but... How is he now? )
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( Getting better, just like before. ) [ Though it almost feels slower. ] ( Have you seen anything like this happen to him from - before? )
[ From their time, the future. Steve hasn't been for pursuing much about it until now. ]
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( I don't think so. I mean - I spent two years looking for him, but he was a ghost. It's just, he's a soldier, and so am I. The world's not always kind to soldiers coming back, and he deserves better. )
[ He's not sure why he feels like he has to explain his decision to put so much effort into a man he barely knows. Sam's never really given a shit about explaining it before, but... well, it's always been between him and Steve and Barnes, he guesses, except now it isn't. Barnes is still Steve's best friend, and if Steve's asking about the future, he deserves to know. ]
( But there wasn't a lot of time for talking, once we found each other. I'm not sure how much he remembered or if he ever blanked out like this and just didn't tell me. I just know he had my back in a fight and if I gave him sass, he gave it back. )
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His thoughts are muddled for a moment, heavy with consideration. ]
( Sounds like Buck. )
[ The last part.
And - it's not just Bucky that deserves better. ]
( I wanna hear more about it - how we all met, from the start. If that's alright. )
[ Because maybe he can't exactly be the friend that Sam knows, but that's no excuse to keep on treating him like a stranger. The fact is, they never could be strangers. ]
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Hell, maybe even a guy Sam might like. Maybe.
He straightens up a little when Steve asks him more about the future. Sam hadn't been sure how much Steve wanted to know, let alone from some random guy who couldn't keep himself from acting a little too familiar with him. Sam kind of feels like he should be worrying about some kind of time continuum thing or some shit, but-
Well, it's not like that's already been pretty much shot to hell, if it does exist, and it's not really in him to withold something like this from Steve. ]
( Yeah, hell yeah, man, of course it's alright. Whatever you wanna know, it's yours. You want me to tell you like this, or you wanna talk face to face? )
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[ Face to face, definitely. But the local bar's not exactly going to work, so - ]
( Meet you on the roof in thirty? ) [ He's got to go pick something up first. ]
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( I hear that. I'll be there, see you in a bit. )
[ He gets to the roof early, but it's not exactly like that's a weird place for him to hang out. There’s a comfort in being up so high, and he leans against the railing as he waits, enjoying the brush of wind even if it's not the same with his feet planted on the ground. ]
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Evening. [ He calls out when he's close enough, making his way over to the railing with a brisk step to set the drinks down on the nearby bench. He nods at them - ] It's not the good stuff, but it does the job.
[ The Concordian equivalent of beer doesn't look or taste much different from what he knows back home. His mouth forms a line, then he tilts his head, looking down at the bottle caps. ]
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[ He pauses, for just a moment, then runs a hand over his jaw. ]
So this is awkward. [ It's blunt, yeah, but he softens it with another smile and a soft huff. ] Figured someone might as well say it, since we're probably both feeling it. Look, I know I don't-
[ He cuts himself off before he can say something stupid like mean anything to you, because hell no Sam isn't here to make Steve feel guilty for anything, and he knows how to get what he's trying to say across better than that. Long as he can keep his thoughts in check. ]
I just, uh. Want you to know I'm not going into this expecting anything.
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Sometimes Steve gets so wrapped up in the kooky notion that he's got to live up to some future-alternate super version of himself that he keeps forgetting it's a little different for Sam. Sam's missing a friend that's right in front of him.
His expression softens a bit, giving a half shake of his head. ]
Sam - it's not my first first date. [ Those softened features turn a bit wry. It's what he'd do with Bucky, deflect with humor. Talking about serious mutual issues isn't a thing that they do, not in so many words. A pause, and he reaches for one of the beers, concentrating for a moment as a layer of silver covers his skin. Uses that same armored thumb to pop the cap off, handing the bottle over a moment later. ] You got your party trick figured out yet?
[ His first question isn't the most relevant, but they'll get there. ]
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Until Steve’s frowning up at him, and then Sam's back to being concerned he let something slip. He’s gotten better at keeping his emotions under wraps since they first met, but, well. Shit happens.
And then Steve says that, and Sam can't help but laugh. Hell yeah, he'll go along with breaking the tension up with humor. ]
Damn, and here I was feeling special. [ His eyebrows raise as he accepts the open bottle, impressed, even if his tone turns teasing. ] You show party tricks that good to all your first dates?
[ He takes a drink from the bottle, grinning a little. ] Starting to, anyway. You get injured at all in all that back there?
[ He could just tell Steve, yeah, but the way Steve'd said party trick kind of makes him want to show off a little. ...all right, a lot of things kind of make Sam want to show off a little, but that's beside the point. ]
i totally spaced that his face was busted from his fight sgfh gonna ~handwave~ what day this is.....
Bumped my head in the blast. [ That's an understatement. He rubs at the back of it. ] Managed to hit the same spot this morning in the kitchen. [ Right into the counter when he was grabbing something from underneath. ] Wish I had that sorta aim when I was working on my batting average.
OOPS I should have checked, we can just handwave that Sam asked "anything else get injured?"
He nods at Steve's response, letting out a low chuckle and holding his hand out in an invitation for a hand shake. ]
There's never any better aim than when you're jostling an injury, man. Okay if I take care of that for you?
[ Showing off kind of loses its element of surprise when he telegraphs what he's going to do, but he doesn't want to just go grabbing at Steve without his permission. ]
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Wouldn't say no to some aspirin. [ A beat, curiosity coloring his features as he reaches over for that handshake. ]
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Oh, I can do a little better than that.
[ He takes Steve's hand, grip firm and friendly, and once again does his best to focus on the way it feels when his symbiote ability activates. If he figures out how it works, then maybe he can figure out how to keep it from happening every damn time he touches someone. There's a pulse of warmth before the soft sting of pain as new injuries appear on him where they've healed up on Steve. ]
Just haven't gotten a handle on controlling it yet.
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Huh.
Both eyebrows shoot up. ]
Doesn't usually happen when you want it to, or - ? [ What's the catch there? ]
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But he makes a bit of a face, taking another drink before he responds. ]
Happens whether I want it to or not, whenever I touch someone who's injured or tired.
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[ Always connected, and you need to consciously shield yourself to keep from bleeding into the people near you. ]
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[ As soon as it's out of his mouth, though, Sam makes a little face at himself. ]
Which isn't what you came up here to talk about.
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I came to talk, so - [ You can't say this isn't talking. And it doesn't bother him - doesn't feel like either of them are trying to tactfully (or otherwise) avoid the original topic, the conversation just shifted naturally on its own. Turns out they've got a similar sense of humor.
He lets his gaze travel to the city skyline over the railing, a faint crease forming again at his brow. Before Steve had said that he wanted to take it from the top, the start of the story - ] What would you be doing right now if the Nest hadn't picked you up?
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[ Sam still isn't trying to avoid any subject, it's just - well, he could. Sam rarely has trouble talking with anyone, but things are easy with Steve. There's something about that knowledge that makes his chest untwist a little. It's still awkward, sure, but it's - it's stupid, but talking to Steve feels good.
He lets out a breath when Steve asks that, quiet for a moment, but he doesn't consider saying anything but the truth. ]
I don't know. Things were a little... chaotic, we hadn't really had a chance to sit down and figure anything out before I got picked up. So I guess that, trying to protect everyone and figure out where we were gonna go from there.
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Sounds like you all got put in a tough spot. [ Steve holds some responsibility whether or not he's technically the one that led them into whatever mess they'd escaped from, but his expression reads more pensive than guilty. Blaming himself right off the bat for something that the rest of them went through isn't going to make anyone more willing to talk to him. His gaze drops to the bottle between his hands, thumbnail picking at the label. ]
From the way you were talking to Buck back at that hole we were living in - I kinda figured you'd been with him longer. [ From the way Sam handled the situation it seemed like he knew what he was doing, knew what to say to get Bucky to calm down. Maybe some of that had to do with the broodmate deal, but more likely Steve thinks that what he mistook for Sam's knowledge of Bucky's problems through a longer history with his friend was more a natural strength of Sam's, or earned through some other experience. ]
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[ It's soft but matter-of-fact, and his expression is more pensive than anything else as well. There's a part of him that's angry about the way the Accords went down, about the kind of people they gave authority over it, about the Raft's existence and the way its prisoners were treated, about a hundred or so other things. But he wouldn't have served in the Air Force, worked at the VA, or become the Falcon if he didn't believe in fighting for change, for what was right.
It's a complicated jumble of emotions, really, and he does his best to keep it from trickling through as he takes another drink from the bottle.
Barnes is easier, even if he definitely causes complicated emotions in a different way, enough that Sam gives a little chuckle. ]
I first ran into him over two years ago, been looking for him on and off since, but nah, I haven't known him that long. But he's a soldier, and so am I. I worked at the VA for a few years - the Department of Veterans Affairs, I think it was still the Veterans Administration in your day. I did peer support, ran some support groups.
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So you stand your ground.
[ On a much bigger scale than chumps getting disrespectful at the pictures. There's a lot to admire in a guy like Sam.
When the topic changes to Bucky and services, Steve nods. ] My father served - guess you already knew that.
[ It was his mother that dealt with the VA when she was alive. Steve's known plenty of vets from the Great War, but support of any kind wasn't something folks liked talking about unless they'd had one too many drinks in them. ]
Chasing after Bucky and superheroing must've become a full time job.
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If you don't, who else will?
[ Maybe a lot of people, really, but Sam's never been the kind of guy to sit back and do nothing. There's always been something to fight for, one way or another, whether the battlefield was the streets in Harlem or the skies in Afghanistan or his own mind and the minds other veterans - or the whole damn world, after joining the Avengers. Sometimes he thinks it should make him exhausted, and some days it does, but mostly he's made peace with that. ]
Don't know much about it, but yeah, I remember that. Things are different back where I'm from, but not as much as they should be. [ He lets out an exhale, quirking a slightly wry smile. ] I kept up working at the VA for a while, just chasing leads on Barnes, but eventually, yeah. I still go to groups, do guest speaking some times. Or I did, anyway.